Monday, November 5, 2007

Water Spilling

I just got home from class and am completely lacking in ideas for a blog topic today. I have poetry on the brain. So excuse my cheesiness, but I thought I'd share my very first published poem.

Water Spilling

Wading into the river,
a woman and her reflection
tried to splash each other
with cold running water.

Silence ensued, as one was masked,
a shadow in her glittering eyes.
She stood, watched, and lifted
her head to the sun,
then looked down again
at the rushing river.

In the eyes of the other,
only the sun was blind.
It fell through the trees
in small tatters.

This poem was first written in June 2000, and it was published at the end of 2001 by Tucumcari Literary Review, which was a really crappy little magazine filled with equally crappy poetry. And even though I deemed this poem finished in 2001, I am not happy with it anymore. I think the last 2 lines are very good, but the rest of it needs some tightening.

"Water Spilling" began as an acrostic poem that spells out "Water Spilling," hence the title. Here's the original draft:

Water Spilling

Wading into the river,
A woman and her reflection
Tried to splash
Each other with cold
Running water.

Silence ensued, as one was blinded,
Put a mask over her gleaming eyes.
In the river one stood, watched,
Lifted her head to the sun.
Looked down again at the rushing river.
In the eyes of the other
No one was blind but the sun that
Gushed through the trees.

I love what a good edit can do to any piece of writing. While the changes I made from the original draft to the "final" one weren't huge, they do illustrate that in writing, every word counts, especially if you're writing poetry.

I really should start writing poetry again. I miss it.


WeezerMonkey said...

That is so cool you're published!

Nanette said...

I concur with WeeMo!

Discombobulated said...

Awesome, I love your poems.

I like this one, the dichotomy with the girl and herself.
I find it interesting that the first word is "wading," the beginning of your brother's name.

Not sure if that is significant, but it struck me a bit.

Doah said...

Not a crappy poem at all. Quite beautiful. Thanks.