Little Missus in the Hall of Judgment: A Play in Ten Acts

ACT I. May 14, 2006.

Long Suffering Roy (LSR): Leslie, you are the most beautiful woman in the whole world. Even more beautiful than Angelina Jolie. Will you marry me?

Obsessive Compulsive Leslie (OCL): Absofuckinlutely I think we should get married outside and I want you to wear a grey suit and I want to wear a long flowy dress and I want to keep the wedding small and simple do you want to go check out possible wedding sites tomorrow?

LSR: Um, okay.

ACT II. Fall 2006.

OCL: I am a feminist. I have decided to make you pay for the past sins that you crazy lot of males have committed against females. I now refuse to take your name when we get married because I think it is totally unfair and inconvenient to me. I sentence you to a name change. And then I will change my name to your new name because I'm trying to be all innovative and stuff.

LSR: Whatever.

OCL: Huzzah! Victory is mine.



ACT III. June/July 2007.

LSR: I have decided to wait until the last possible minute to change my name because I am bound and determined to inconvenience you, even though we are picking up the marriage license tomorrow.

OCL: Why are our florists so fucking stupid? And why do I have the feeling that something is going to go wrong with our videographer?

LSR: So, about the name change...

OCL: Can we talk about this later? Maybe at a time when I'm not too busy trying not to throw myself out the window?

ACT IV. July 14, 2007.

OCL: Yay, we're married!

LSR: Wanna have sex?

OCL: Please, I'm done with all that. Must bake pies instead.

ACT V. August 8, 2007.

LSR: Your Honor, may it please the court....

Really Stern Judge: Stop that useless drivel, sonny boy. I accept your petition to change your name.

LSR: Hellz yeah!



ACT VI. January 2008.

OCL: I think I'll finally get off my lazy and procrastinating ass and go to the Social Security office to change my name today!

Social Security Clerk: Sorry, we can't do anything. Your marriage license has your husband's old name on it, so we can't change your name to his new one. You'll have to get the marriage license amended. Frankly, it's a stupid name if you ask me. Are you sure you don't want to keep the name you have now?

OCL: Screw you, lady. I guess I'll go to the County Recorder's office and raise hell.

Stupid County Employee: Sorry, I am a useless county employee, and I can't help you at all. As a matter of fact, my brain hurts on a daily basis just from trying to tie my shoes. But if you call the State, they can talk to you about amending your marriage license.

OCL: Okie dokie, I guess I'll call the state office and raise hell.

Stupid Voice Mail: Hi, thanks for calling the totally incompetent state department of incompetency. Please leave a message and we will be sure to never get back to you.

OCL: Hi, I'm OCL. Call me back, yo. Make sure that you don't send me an amendment package, because that would just be too damn easy.

ACT VII. April 2008.

OCL: Dang, I'm tired of waiting for the amendment package from the totally incompetent state department of incompetency. I'm going back to talk to another useless county employee.

Slightly Less Useless County Employee: Okay, here's everything you need to do to get your license amended.

OCL: I think I'm going to just sit on this for a couple of months because that's how I roll.



ACT VIII. June 2008.

OCL: Okay, dammit. I'm really going to do something about this now. I am going to make copies of all this bullshit and send it to be amended tomorrow. I am done procrastinating! I am a brand new me!

Smug Co-Worker: Hey, it says right here online that you cannot amend a name on a marriage license. You'll have to change your name through the courts. Sucks to be you!

OCL: Wow, I spent almost a year waiting on something that I could've found out about online. I love the internetz. Must petition for name change stat.

ACT IX. July 2008.

Money Hungry Clerk: Okay, that'll be $330 for the name change.

OCL: Here you go. It's always fun taking it in the ass.

MHC: I know, right?

ACT X. August 14, 2008:

OCL: Your Honor, may it please the court...

Nice Lady Judge: Please stop that useless drivel. I accept your petition to change your name.

OCL: Holy shit, it's finally over. I have a new name.

LSR: What's your name again?




The End.

Time for Change

Why do so many of my blog titles reference song titles/lyrics, books, and movies? It seems to happen on its own. Someday I will come up with my own original ideas for titles. Until then, I will steal like the thieving thief I am.

And now...on to the real point of this post.

The times they are a-changin'. (There I go again, stealing like a sinner.) Things are changing because I am thirsty for change. I've got a couple of superficial changes that are coming up very soon (this week, in fact) and are very exciting.

-New eyeballs! I'm having Lasik on Friday! Here's what I look like without specs:



Correction: That is what I look like without specs when I've had my makeup done by a professional and have a professional photographer taking my picture.

-New hair! I'm getting a long-overdue haircut on Thursday after work. I have been growing my hair out since Roy and I started dating, and now I'm over it. Here's the look that I want:



I've had my hair cut short before, and I liked it. This picture is from 2005.



I think it's going to work out. I am super excited. I am not very adventurous when it comes to my hair. For me to attempt something like this is pretty huge. I did have an A-line hairstyle for awhile back before I ever met Roy, but the lady who cut it didn't really know what she was doing. It was supposed to look like this:



But it came out looking not so hot. There's a reason I have no pictures to share.

But I have finally decided to try again! I'm done with my overly stringy and boring long hair.

-Lastly (and this is a not-so-superficial change), I'm finally going to court on Thursday morning to have my name legally changed. After over a year, I will finally have my so-cute-I-could-be-mistaken-for-a-stripper last name.

There are other (big) changes coming up as well. Totally exciting, totally scary. Stay tuned for those - they are still too new to blog about. It takes me awhile to process, yo.

Tuesday Discoveries

-I saw this awesome license plate on my lunch break.



-I finally figured out what to do about my name change issue. I found out today that the state will definitely not amend our marriage license to reflect Roy's name change, which means that in order to change my name, I will have to go through the courts. This will cost us around $400, but to be perfectly honest, I am happy to pay it if that's what it takes. You'd think I'd be upset about this, but no, I'm just relieved to finally have a definitive answer and to know what to do. I guess it's a good thing that I put off requesting the amendment, being as it wouldn't have done us any good anyway.

I would also like to say something that I will probably never say again, so take note: I am actually grateful that I work in a legal office, because if it wasn't for some of my co-workers doing some digging on this issue, I never would have known for sure what to do. Also, based on this experience, I would also like to say that County employees are generally useless. I don't blame them entirely; it's the bureaucracy that causes all the miscommunication and ignorance.

And lastly, those of you who are getting married and wanting to both change your names, please have your future husband change his name before you pick up your marriage license. Honestly, it would have saved us so much time, money, and sanity had we done it this way. That was our original plan, but someone *coughRoycough* decided to wait until a month before our wedding to file for his name change (and to be fair to my long-suffering husband, the County employee he spoke to did say that everything would be fine if his name change went through after our wedding). Try to give it at least a couple of months for the whole process to be completed, because it takes awhile.

-I often check out the organized collection photo pool, and today this photo in particular made me happy.



-I have finally figured out how to control the temperature in my office. Last week, I was freezing, so I covered up my A/C vent (which is right over my chair) with a piece of cardboard. Yesterday afternoon, though, the heat coming in through my window was sweltering. So today I cut a small rectangle in the cardboard, and now I have controlled A/C. Yay. It's the little things, right?

One Week

It's been one week since I last wrote a blog entry. That's the longest time I've gone without writing here in quite awhile. Well, in my defense, I've had quite a few things going on lately. Consider this my big, giant recap post. I'm not a big fan of recaps, so I tend to put them off forever. But here are some things I consider noteworthy about my life right now.

1) I've had a cold this week (which is probably the main reason why I haven't been writing). I had picked up some oil of oregano a few weeks ago when Roy was sick, and I put three drops in my water at night and in the morning. I feel that the oil of oregano is a big reason why my cold symptoms improved so drastically, so I would recommend it to others. If you ever try it though, consider adding it to your water like I did instead of dropping it straight into your mouth. It's pretty strong and tastes awful.

2) I got my scary mole removed yesterday. It didn't hurt at all. My dermatologist really doesn't think it's a cause for concern, but she is going to have it biopsied anyway. I'll get the results in two weeks. In the meantime, I think it's going to heal up nicely and probably won't even be noticable at Mandy's wedding (which I was admittedly concerned about).

3) Speaking of Mandy's wedding, it's two weeks until the day! I often think of her and wonder how she's doing with everything. I remember all too well how I felt near the end of the planning process: insanely stressed but extraordinarily happy and alive. I just can't believe how the time has flown.

4) Roy got a new job! This is probably the most amazing thing I have to report this time around. My husband is not one to embrace change when it comes to jobs, so for him to make this move is pretty incredible. He actually got a job in his field; he will be making a little bit more per hour and will work slightly less. The position is temporary, but it's definitely a good move for him.

5) I downloaded a thirty day trial of Adobe Lightroom last weekend, and I must say I love it! Remember the white balance issues I had with Mandy and Paul's engagement pics? Well, in a few clicks, Lightroom had fixed that. Check it - the left pic is before Lightroom, and the right pic is after Lightroom.



Needless to say, I think I will be purchasing Lightroom after my thirty day trial is up. It's a quick and amazing piece of software.

6) I got my Polaroid camera in this week. I'm so glad I bought it. Getting a good picture out of it seems to kind of be a crapshoot (and an expensive one at that) at this point, but I think in time I will learn to manipulate it to get the shots I want. Actually, I've taken some really cool shots with it. Unfortunately, I don't have a scanner, so I don't really have any to share.

7) We have finally put our wedding videographer issues to bed, not necessarily by choice, but by necessity. I did send out a couple of demand letters at the beginning of March and tracked them online. One of them was returned to us unopened, and the other one apparently never made it anywhere. As I suspected, our videographer apparently is no longer in the wedding videography business. While we could have pushed on with taking him to small claims court, Roy and I made the mutual decision to let it go. In the grand scheme of things, this just isn't worth it. No matter how much we fight or how much of a refund we might have gotten, it won't give us what we really want: all the hours of footage from our wedding. It sucks, but I have too many other things that need my attention. We got screwed over, we made a heroic effort to unscrew ourselves, and it just didn't work out. Oh well.

8) I have been a music-listening-and-downloading fool lately. My absolute favorite album of the moment is She & Him: Volume One. It's totally worth many listens. I have also been revisiting some of my old favorites, like Tori Amos' Little Earthquakes, Weezer's blue album, and Violent Femmes' Add it Up. Right now I'm listening to old school Smashing Pumpkins and am enjoying it thoroughly.

9) After many frustrating months of trying to get answers about my name-changing issues, I finally made some headway yesterday. I was able to talk to someone who actually made a few phone calls to help me out. Now I feel more confident about this whole process, although there's no guarantee that the state will amend our marriage license. I will be sending in the paperwork next week though. I suspect it will be a long wait to hear anything back from them.

10) School is going great! I have to say that this has been my favorite year of school in quite awhile (in terms of classes). My internship is going well: the students are really insightful and smart, the assigned reading is wonderful, and of course I love my faculty mentor. My seminar on fairy tales is very interesting, although the professor takes some getting used to. I could be making more headway on my thesis proposal, but hopefully that will happen this weekend. All in all, I am enjoying myself very much. I have to admit, though, that attending classes four nights a week thoroughly sucks. For that reason, I am counting down until summer.

Anyway, there's my long ass recap. I have a few other things that are going on, but I think I'll make those separate entries.

It's good to be back!

Nothing but UGH.

Today hasn't really been a great day. Aside from the fact that my face is breaking out, there are 3 major things in the works that could be going better.

1) My videographer issue. Things have not improved since my last detailed post on this matter. I did end up sending the threatening "I'm-going-to-report-you-to-the-BBB" email and giving him until Friday, October 19 to get us our footage. We still had not received the footage by that day. Roy called (he had to call from different numbers to get the videographer to pick up the phone) to see what the deal was, and he was told that the footage had been mailed. Of course, he wasn't given a tracking number. We still haven't received our footage, and frankly, even with all the fires and road closures, it should be here by now. I am pissed beyond belief because I feel like this guy has completely taken advantage of us. He doesn't respond to emails anymore, and as of today, he's not responding to calls. We will take him to small claims court if we have to. We don't want to, but we will. I would much rather this whole thing just be over, but I refuse to let this liar get away with this.

2) Changing my name. I went to the Social Security office today with our marriage certificate and the certified copy of Roy's name change document, fully prepared to start the process of changing my own name. Turns out that I can't change my name that way since Roy's old last name is on our marriage certificate. Now I have to see if we can get our marriage certificate amended. If not, I'll have to change my name through the courts like Roy did, which will cost us about $400. What sucks is that I saw this coming and urged Roy to get started on his name changing process way before the wedding. Much as I love him, my hubs is a huge procrastinator, and it drives me up the effing wall sometimes. But the past is the past, and there is nothing we can do about this now but roll with it, even if it ends up costing us another $400.

3) My potential new job. Today my HR contact was supposed to meet with the hiring committee to review my resume with them. She was supposed to provide me with an update afterwards. But apparently they didn't get to meet today, so I'm no closer to knowing if the job is mine. Hopefully there will be news tomorrow.

So that's my day. I am so looking forward to not having class tonight (although I hate the reason for it), going home, and watching Supernatural and One Tree Hill, my latest acquisitions from Netflix.

What's in a name?

Could I have picked a more cliche title for this blog entry?

So, Roy got his last name officially changed today. After jumping through many hoops, he has his mother's maiden name and what is now our new last name.

I've got to say that I feel that I have the best husband in the world for many reasons. The fact that he was willing to change his last name is one of those. I am a staunch believer in equality, and I have my issues that I get righteously indignant about. While I think it's fine if other women want to change their names to their husband's last name, it just wasn't the right choice for me. For awhile, I thought I would change my last name to his and then I realized I couldn't do it (for personal reasons).

So I told Roy that we either both had to change (or hyphenate) or that we were both going to keep our names. He actually agreed to change his last name, but it took us awhile to pick our new name. We were going to combine one name from each side, but I realized that Roy wasn't really into that. So I caved a bit and decided that we could go with his mother's maiden name, a decision that I have never regretted.

Anyway, for a man to change his name, even for purposes of marriage, he has to pay $330+ to file for the name change, fill out an assload of paperwork, and publish a public notice of his intent to change his name in a local publication for 4 consecutive weeks. The latter costs $80. Finally, he can go to court and have his request granted by the presiding judge, assuming there are no objections, restraining orders, etc.

This whole process just screams "LAWSUIT!" Maybe I'll let the ACLU know about this one of these days.

In the meantime, I'm going to enjoy the fact that I have the greatest husband in the world.