Our New Office Mascot

Almost immediately upon my arrival to work this morning, I was approached by my co-worker Beans to let me know that he had the horrific experience of having a flea jump on him in his office this morning. Obviously traumatized, Beans sent out this email:

Hi Department Manager,

I’m not sure what you can do about this, but I just had a flea jump on me in my office. I’m fairly certain that I didn’t bring it in, as I don’t have any pets (that I know of), and I haven’t been out traipsing through fields or cuddling with other people’s pets recently. I know this building isn’t in pristine condition, but I didn’t think it had fleas. I suppose I am just a little worried about how a flea would get into my office… and where it is now…

Cheers,

Beans

(What makes this email so funny to me is imagining Beans, who has a quasi-Afro, skipping through fields of wildflowers.)

Naturally, other emails have followed.

From the Director's admin:

All,

Beans had a flea jump on him while he was in his office this morning and he doesn’t even own a pet. Has anyone else encountered critters in their office? We are trying to determine if we need to spray.


My friend (and co-worker) Myra's response:

Well…if you ask Leslie, Beans might qualify as his own pet, with the hair and all.


My response (to a select few):

Do lizards count as critters? I have a pet one in my office named Barnaby. He’s in the Witness Protection Program though, so don’t tell anyone.


Another employee's response:

Will Beans please report immediately to the Security Department to be measured for a flea collar.
Thank You.
The Management


My response:

I’m sorry, but Beans is very busy helping his flea train for the flea circus.


Finally, Beans stepped in, true hero that he is, and showed us how he's all man:

Wow. What an outpouring of love.

…As I mentioned to a few people before, thank god for Paris Hilton. Otherwise I would have no selection in collars to wear. I mean, I remember the days where a man would have to resort to your standard collars… beige and yellow, semi-trasparent. Today man has a full line of perfectly stylish collars to choose from: rhinestone, leather or suede, or more manly options like plaid. Chaps for men is sooo last decade… for a night on the town, a can just use a little dash of Advantage behind neck and I am ready to go.

Thank you all for your support through these trying… and itchy times.


Beans is so getting a flea collar as a personal gift from me tomorrow. I may even include some flea spray and a chew toy. Because that's how I roll.