The Most Problematic of Times

This is a wonderful, dynamic point in history to be alive. We are more connected than ever. We have more options and resources than we had yesterday, thanks to the internet. The virtual world is literally growing at record speed, offering us more ways to expand our minds and worldviews. There are more options for everything else as well: lifestyles, treatment for diseases, jobs, etc. Same-sex marriage is now legal in California, which is a huge and important step towards equality.

This is also one of the scariest and most sobering times. We are more connected and plugged-in, and yet the emotional distance between people seems to grow more and more. Recently, I heard someone throw out a very offensive racial slur like it was nothing for no good reason at all (but is there ever a good reason?). I found this deeply troubling. Here we are, on the cusp of discovering so many new things - and yet we still don't know how to treat each other with respect and - dare I even say it? - love.

When I hear things like that, I have to wonder if the progress we have made has been cancelled out by bigotry, sexism, homophobia, and hatred. I have to wonder if we have learned anything from the tragedy of 9/11 at all.

This is an anniversary that reminds me of all the different beliefs that exist in the world and how taking those beliefs too far can be incredibly destructive. It's something that I try to remember: that no matter what the color of our skin is, no matter what church we go or don't go to, no matter what our political affiliation is, we are all just people.

I don't always succeed, naturally. But the memories of 9/11 make me want to keep trying my absolute best at being a good person.

I realize that this sounds like some after-school special or Lifetime movie, but I don't have it in me to come up with something really clever right now. So naive cliches it is.

Happy awakening day, America. It's time to turn things around. It's never too late to start living more consciously.

A Golden Afternoon

Back in June, we met our amazingly awesome wedding photographer Crissy at the Morey Mansion for our one-year anniversary photo shoot. It was an extraordinarily hot day, but we made it through and got some gorgeous photos. Well, Crissy got the photos - we just did what she told us to do.












Thanks for doing such an awesome job, Crissy!

Of Marriage, Downtown, and Love Letters: Day Two of Our Anniversary Trip

Monday was our official one-year wedding anniversary. The three of us started off the day by going back to the Global Market for lunch. This time we actually got to order the pizza we wanted. Afterwards, we took a walk down to the park near Wade's house. It was quite pretty, because it was all green and quiet. We walked around the lake and then stopped and rested a bit on this concrete stage-like thing. I laid on my back and stared up at the trees. The light was falling on the leaves perfectly, and a gentle breeze was blowing. I decided that it needed to be captured on video (even though the video ended up being pretty boring).



Afterwards, Wade drove us to the Grand Hotel in downtown Minneapolis and dropped us off for a night of lavishness. (Thanks for the rec, Kim!)





We had decided that our anniversary night needed to be extra special, and the Grand Hotel certainly made sure we were well taken care of. I loved our room. The bed was amazing. So comfortable!





You'll notice that the bathtub has its own TV and the toilet has its own door.









We hung out in our room for awhile and then ventured out to explore the downtown area.



We ended up in the nearby Nicollet Mall, and it took us forever to find actual stores. During our search, we sat down and had some ice cream from Cold Stone. I hadn't had any in a year or so, so it was a really nice treat. When we finally found the stores, we were kind of disappointed by the selection.

Roy decided that he wanted to find a bookstore (which suited me just fine), so we followed our noses (and green Barnes & Noble bags) until we found it. I found a book of love letters that seemed appropriate for the day, and I sat reading it on the second floor facing the street. It was early evening at this point, and the streets were relatively quiet. I felt very calm and happy to be sitting there reading those very private letters on our anniversary in a lovely, lovely city.



While we were in the store, my mom called at 6:30 PM and said, "Do you know what you were doing a year ago at this moment?" I thought it was so sweet that she remembered the time when we officially became husband and wife. We talked for a bit, Roy and I made our purchases, and then we went back to our hotel.



My original plan was for us to have a nice dinner out, but we decided to stay in, order room service, and watch a movie. We watched Made of Honor (it had to be a wedding-related movie), ate our yummy room service food, and later ordered dessert (a pint of Ben & Jerry's and a banana split). Although it was really low-key, it was a wonderful evening.

(Psst - The below pictures are awful. I took them without flash with my brother's point and shoot, and they were really dark. I tried to fix them in Lightroom, but they just look noisy. Oh well.)





The best part? Our disgustingly sappy declarations of love to each other. Roy and I are always good at telling each other how we feel, and we do it often. But we said it a little more and with a little more oomph on our anniversary. Cheesy ol' me even shed a few tears. I am so very, very lucky.

One Year

I, Leslie, take you, Roy, to be my husband, in equal love, as a mirror for my true Self, as a partner on my path, to honor and to cherish, in sorrow and in joy.

Roy, I choose you today and every day, for the rest of my life.

I have already given you my heart. Now I give you my life.



One year ago today, Roy and I were married.



We had a beautiful evening ceremony, and a simple, fun reception immediately following. Our wedding was not stylish, lavish, or over-the-top expensive. But it reflected us (and our bank accounts), and that's what matters. I wouldn't change a thing (except a couple of our vendors).



I've been doing a lot of thinking about what makes a marriage. And I've realized that it's not just the two people in the marriage; it's family and friends and the rest of the world that impact this most sacred of relationships. I am so lucky to have a wonderful support system, because it helps me to be a better wife and friend to Roy. And my support system also makes for a better me.



This year has been wonderful, and it's also been hard. It feels like I've lived a whole lifetime; I have definitely evolved into a slightly different version of the girl who got married on July 14, 2007. And this new person loves her husband even more than she did on their wedding day.



I am so excited to see what the future holds for us. There are so many good things in store for us; we will take them and hold ourselves up and together during the hard times. I feel that anything is possible with Roy by my side. He helps me be my best self and loves me when I am at my lowest. He is my love, my heart, and my life.



I'll love you forever,
I'll like you for always.
As long as I'm living,
my baby you'll be.

Happy Anniversary, my love.

Our Last Monthiversary

Today we've been married 11 months.

This is not our last monthiversary, but it's probably the last one I'll write about on here. Soon it'll be our one year anniversary of being married, and it seems a bit silly to keep up the monthiversary tradition past the first year mark. What I'd like to do instead is celebrate our marriage every single day by doing simple things like saying "I love you" daily. It's often the little things that really add up and count the most. We have always been good at both the little and big things, and as the months and years go by, celebrating and respecting our union, I feel, will be what will hold us together...forever.

Oddly, I used to not believe in forever. I thought it was a silly concept, but it just goes to show that people can and should challenge your assumptions. I love how life has always managed to surprise me - one of the greatest surprises has been Roy. Imagine such a kind-hearted, gentle soul like Roy loving a neurotic obsessive like me. It's really wonderful to be married to someone who embraces all of my qualities. It's the best feeling ever, actually. And I am the luckiest person in the world, not just because I am married to Roy, but because I married into his family who has always accepted me as one of them.

Sadly, this weekend I am out of state visiting my mom and uncle, and Roy stayed home due to the high cost of airfare. But even though we are apart today, I am still celebrating us. My vow is to always celebrate us.

I love you, hubsand. Forever.

Triple Whammy

Okay, so today I have a triple whammy celebration going on.

1) It's Mandy's birthday! She is 31 years young today. Happy Birthday, Mandy!

2) It's the two year anniversary of our getting engaged! I haven't told our engagement story on my blog yet, so maybe I'll do that one of these days.

3) It's our tenth monthiversary! I won't lie: this month has been challenging for me. This is the first month where I've thought, "Hey, this marriage stuff isn't so easy sometimes." We are good, but there have been times this month that I've felt some tension and distance between us. Roy and I are complete opposites, and we don't know how to handle each other sometimes. However, I think the fact that we are opposites is a big reason why we are such a successful couple. We really do complement each other, and we respect each other's differences. Every marriage has its ups and downs, and frankly, there's no one else I'd rather experience those with than my cute li'l Roylet.

So, yeah. Today is a happy day.

Nine months!

Roy and I have been married for nine months today! It's not that long, but at the same time, I have no clue where the time has gone.

Marriage has been fun, challenging, and interesting so far. I can't really say that things have changed between us. We are the same happy couple we always have been, but marriage has increased the depth of my feelings and commitment towards Roy and our relationship.

It's strange that about four years ago I couldn't imagine myself ever getting married. And now I can't imagine myself not being married to Roy.

He's just the cutest, the sweetest, and the most understanding person I've ever known. I'm so lucky!

(Okay, I'm done gushing!)

Three Reasons to Celebrate

1) We have been married for eight months today.

2) Three years ago today, Roy and I went out on our first date.

3) One year ago today, I quit smoking.

I had a long blog entry about all this planned, but this week has been super stressful and emotional for me on many levels. So I took a mental health day today and am also celebrating making it through hard times with my wits intact. A big reason for this is Roy, who is truly my hero.

I would like to talk more about these things, particularly quitting smoking, but I'll wait for another time when I feel more inspired.

Words for the Departed

Today is a special day. It's my old friend Paula's deathday. It's been nine years since she died, and every year on or around March 8, I try to honor her with some words.

I met Paula when we were both 11 years old and in sixth grade. We were both in the same GT (Gifted & Talented) classes, and we both took Theatre Arts as an elective all throughout junior high. We got to know each other quite well as we made our way through those awkward junior high years. Because we had so many classes together, we ended up hanging out together a lot.

Paula was a beautiful young girl. She had this silky, thick, dark brown hair, big brown eyes, and olive skin. She had a cute figure too. She was intelligent and quite a good actress.

Despite her good qualities, my feelings towards Paula were very conflicted. I felt like she tried too hard, so she got on my nerves quite a bit. She didn't have many friends because other people thought she was annoying as well. She also had a lisp, which I'm sure was hell to deal with, and people constantly made fun of her for it. I felt really sorry for her, and part of me truly liked her. My evil adolescent self often won over, and I would talk behind her back or be mean to her. And the evil adolescent Paula could be very mean and spiteful as well. We were just two young girls who didn't know how to really treat each other with respect.

We still had some great times though. I remember this one weekend afternoon when we went to the movies to see Aspen Extreme. In the middle of the movie, Paula laid down on the seat and rested her legs up against the back of her chair so they were in the air (think of a pin-up girl's pose). I was so mortified that she was sitting the wrong way in her chair. Later on she told everyone who would listen that I was the one who sat the wrong way in my chair. Oh, the humiliation!

Being the Theatre Arts geeks that we were, we would often attend and perform in local competitions. In 8th grade, Paula and I (along with several others) performed a record mime to Monster Mash and had an absolute blast (and even advanced to semi-finals!). We also competed in the group interpretation category and performed a Shel Silverstein poem.

Later that year, the little group that both Paula and I were part of decided overnight (in true girl fashion) that they didn't like me anymore. They stopped speaking to me, and our silence lasted all throughout high school. (I'm sure that this was mostly due to the fact that I went to a different high school and didn't see any of them for all those years.) I don't think I saw Paula once during our high school years. I heard about her though. She developed a certain reputation, and to this day, I don't know how true it was. (Honestly, it doesn't really matter anyway. None of us are saints, not even the dead.)

During the spring semester of my second year of junior college, I began to see Paula around. She had a class across the hall from my political science class, so I would always see her before and/or after class. One time I ran into her outside of the building. She bummed a cigarette off me, and we exchanged a few superficial words. That day it became clear to me, without saying a word about it, that everything that happened in junior high (whatever it was) was over with. We were adults.

Paula had a boyfriend named Geoff who she'd been with for a couple of years. Apparently, he was the jealous type, and eventually she got tired of it. She broke up with him on a Sunday evening, and the next day she went to work as usual at the local monogram shop called Initially Yours. Geoff showed up to see Paula and was allowed into the back where she was working.

But Geoff wasn't there to talk. Instead, he pulled out the gun he had concealed and shot Paula point-blank in the head. Right afterwards, he shot himself. It is my understanding that both died instantly. Paula was 20 years old.

It is surreal when someone you know dies. But murder? I just couldn't wrap my 19-year-old brain around it. Even now, at 28, I can't really comprehend what happened to Paula. On one hand, it's very simple. An obviously unstable and troubled person took her life in a very violent way. But on the other hand, she was there one minute - and gone the next. The fact that we are all so fragile is probably the most scary thing in the world to me.

When I heard about Paula's violent death, I was in a state of denial and shock for awhile. I couldn't cry. I went to her funeral, and there were so many people there. The church was completely filled. I saw people I hadn't seen in years. It was like a big reunion under the worst of circumstances. Our little town was horribly shaken up by the murder-suicide.

I will never forget seeing her parents walking down the aisle to the front of the church that day. They were literally leaning on each other; it was so obvious that they were completely filled with despair and totally emotionally broken.

And yet, I still couldn't cry.

At school, I kept expecting to see her before or after my political science class. And every time, I had to remind myself that she was gone, that I would never see her walking briskly down the hall again, that I would never see that half-smile of uncertainty again.

A couple of years later, a gun store opened up next to Initially Yours, the place where Paula worked and was killed (by a gun, no less). I hated that so much. I often imagined her parents driving by and the terrible shock they would experience at seeing a gun store so close to where their only child was killed. I couldn't believe the insensitivity of opening that gun store. Frankly, I still can't.

Nine years have passed, and this is the first year that I've had a few lonely tears fall over Paula's death (while writing this, incidentally - I think this is the deepest I've gone into telling the story of the Paula I knew). Her passing still shakes me to the very core of my being. I just can't believe that the girl with all that beautiful hair and that endearing lisp, who loved to dance and act and be silly, is gone. I just can't believe it. She will never finish her college education, get married, perform in any more plays, have children, travel, or die peacefully. Her life was cut way too short by someone who might've actually gotten over it had he not acted on impulse less than 24 hours after being broken up with. Who knows what might have happened if Geoff had just given it time?

It is all so senseless and tragic. And every year on the anniversary of Paula's death, I write a few words for her and try to make sense of what's left behind. I write to atone for the shitty way I treated her when we were young. I write to help myself understand the reality of death and the horror of violence. I write because she cannot speak: her voice is forever silenced.

Somewhere in my mind, I still remember that voice, especially as she read that Shel Silverstein poem that we performed for competition:

“Listen to the mustn'ts, child.
Listen to the don'ts.
Listen to the shouldn'ts,
the impossibles, the won'ts.
Listen to the never haves,
then listen close to me...
Anything can happen, child.
Anything can be.”

RIP, Paula Christine Green
October 1978 - March 1999

Romance is in the air...

We had an amazing weekend, and one of the best parts of it is that it's a 3 day weekend (for me, but not for Roy). We kicked off Saturday by attending Roy's aunt Ruth's 50th birthday party. Ruth is a Valentine baby, so the theme of the party was, of course, all things Valentiney.




We convinced everyone to have cake before lunch, because we couldn't stay long, and once I found out it was red velvet cake, I was dying to have some. It was so good that I had 2 pieces! Then we had some lunch, and with our tummies full, we drove out to the Morey Mansion Inn for our romantic night of Victorian decadence.

As I said before, I have been admiring this house from afar for years. It proved to be even more amazing once we got there and went exploring. (I ended up taking about 400 pictures of the house and grounds, and I will be sharing some of them in future posts.) After a couple of hours of wandering around and then resting, we got ready to go to dinner at Les Rendezvous. I felt very stylish and stuff in my special ensemble.



Les Rendezvous is a French restaurant that Roy and I have gone to together a couple of times, all for special occasions (the last time we went was almost 2 years ago on the night we got engaged). The food is excellent, the prices are high (to us), and I have never left unsatisfied. We ordered a bottle of Riesling, and I really enjoyed it. I am not a wine person, so I'm always happy to find something I like.



We started off with the scampi au pernod on toast, which is what we always get for an appetizer when we go there. It is so amazing! I don't have any pictures of the scampi, because we just dove right in, like this:



Finally, I came to my senses and took tons of pictures through the rest of the meal. I had my big ass camera with its big ass lens out, and hopefully everyone thought I was a food critic. We were both transfixed by one server who was constantly playing with fire, as he prepared a spinach salad dressing tableside.



Before dinner, I had a salad with the incredibly tasty house dressing (some kind of vinaigrette), and Roy had the vichyssoise, which was also incredibly tasty. And then it was time for the main course. I had ostrich a la echalotte (ostrich in a shallot and brandy sauce), and Roy had filet mingon with bernaise sauce.



I'd never had ostrich before, and I was pleasantly surprised to find out how yummy it was. Roy's filet was amazing as well. We took our time eating and savored every morsel, and of course we saved room for dessert. I had chocolate mousse, and Roy had chocolate creme brulee.



Was it awesome? Hellz yeah!



One of the waitstaff members took this picture of us.



And we took these pictures of each other. I think they are so cute.



At this point, I was so totally stuffed, but I was cold also. So we went through the Starbucks drive thru and got a white chocolate mocha for me. It pretty much sent me over the edge, and after I drank it, I was uncomfortably full, almost to the point of nausea. We laid in the uber comfortable bed in our room and talked for awhile and then decided to go to sleep. I did not sleep well at all. I had forgotten about the train that runs through the canyon near the inn, and so I was awakened at least once every couple of hours by a train whistle. I also think the late-night coffee had a lot of do with my not sleeping well too.

We woke up early and went downstairs for breakfast. Janet, the inn's proprieter, made us pancakes and fruit.



Her dog, Lady, was so cute and totally knew it.



Janet was a very gracious host, and she spent a lot of time talking with us about the history of the Morey Mansion. I so wished my uncle Charles (who is an architect) could have been with us, because the house was truly amazing. Everywhere we looked, there were breathtaking details, stunning woodwork, and charming knick knacks. Staying there was worth every single expensive penny. It's amazing how one night out of our element really helped us reconnect, slow down, and appreciate the basics: good food, relaxation, and love.



Now we are back home with the cats, the laundry that needs to be done, the dishes that need to be washed, the homework that needs to be completed, but we are better people for having done this for ourselves. Further posts (full of pictures) will prove this, I promise.