Saturday, January 31, 2009

Project 365: January Favorites

I started a 365 project at the beginning of the year. Basically, it's just an exercise in discipline. So I've been taking at least one photo a day and will hopefully continue to do so for the rest of the year (even though they don't get uploaded every day). Some of them are good, some of them are not so good, but here are my favorites from the month:

You can see all of them here.

Pictures I Haven't Blogged, Stories I Haven't Told

My life really isn't all that exciting. I still document it, though. Here are some pictures/stories that didn't make it onto the blog during the month of January.


Over breakfast one morning:

A nice long walk on MLK, Jr. Day:

A cup and saucer from my niece's new tea set:

Cheeky Charlie, a get-well-soon gift for my mother-in-law, who recently had surgery:

From a recent visit to a local antique store:

One of my favorite friends from childhood, found in a box in the garage:

A piece of our house and a whole lot of blue sky:

Our yard sale:

All you need is...

A very blurry Cerby:

Our "love wall," which we hung up the other weekend:

Sweet stray kitty:

Walking around downtown one night:

Friday, January 30, 2009

Let the insanity begin...

I've been really good about not buying baby stuff. The biggest thing I had bought up until recently was the moby wrap (on sale, of course). But lately I've found such great bargains online that I couldn't help but scoop up some baby gear.

Like this Bumble Bag...

(I originally ordered it in blue paisley from babysteals, but I ended up with pink paisley. I received the bag today, and it is functional, huge, and beautiful.)

And this Micralite Fastfold stroller:

(On sale on the Mamabargains site today for a very reasonable price - wow! We got ours in black, although I was pretty drawn to the red.)

And these cute little T-shirts:

(I ordered these on sale from babysteals, but you can find them on Kee-Ka. The shirts also came in today. All the women in my office were squealing, and rightfully so!)

People keep telling me to stop buying stuff because there won't be anything left to buy for my shower. Well, I'd like to reassure everyone that there will be plenty of stuff on the registry left over. I just can't let deals like these pass by. Chances are we will have to buy a bunch of stuff ourselves anyway.

Someone at my office said that I can't have a pink diaper bag because I'm having a boy. I am now convinced that everyone in my office is crazy. Since when did I buy the diaper bag for Bunlet? It's for me! What am I gonna do? - hand him the diaper bag and say, "Here ya go, Charlie; now be a good boy and push Mommy in the stroller."

Actually, that does sound like something I'd say.

23 weeks

Today I am 23 weeks pregnant. I have been entirely too emo all week. Thanks so much for all your support as I make my way through this crazy time - your comments during these weekly posts (as well as your other comments and emails) have really made me feel good.

As it turns out, morphing into a mother is not as easy as buying maternity clothes and reading pregnancy books. As a result, I sometimes feel depressed - but (for the most part) I think of depression as a natural response to change. I'm not about to jump off a building or anything, in case you were wondering.

Totally emo belly shot:

The last shot is an inside joke between me and me (okay, so Roy's in on the joke, too). I'm sure many of you have seen some photographer or another use this cheesy pose in a maternity portrait session - it's the dead horse of cheesy poses out there. Me, I think it's hilarious when I see it come up in a photo (kind of like those selective saturation shots where the whole picture is in black and white and one part of it is in color - sooooooo 90s). Roy and I plan to do our own version of the heart on belly pose in our maternity session (but sweet baby jebus, we will not partake in a selective saturation shot - thank the gods our awesome photographer knows better). I tend to walk around doing the heart pose to random people who I think might appreciate it.

Anyway, enough trash talking. This week I:

1) ate a lot of string cheese (and I mean a lot)
2) sneezed a bunch of times (but at least I don't pee when I sneeze - yet)
3) listened to a tactless co-worker (yes, another one) tell me that it's so great that I look pregnant now and not just fat (it's so good to know that I'm not fat anymore!)
4) received an article about the octuplets via email from someone who wanted to make sure that I wasn't surprised by an extra baby when giving birth (thanks for your concern, guy)
5) worked on our registries (they're coming along!)
6) signed us up for childbirth and breastfeeding classes (Roy was shocked that he would have to attend the breastfeeding class with me.)
7) did a whole lot of research on cloth diapering and making homemade baby food, both of which we intend to do (and both of which elicit lots of eyerolls and heavy sighs from other people)
8) had my follow-up ultrasound for the mass in my uterus area (no news on that yet, but the tech was nice enough to let me look at Bunlet for awhile and print out some new pictures.)
9) booked a babymoon for me and Roy to San Francisco for Valentine's Day weekend (I am so excited!)
10) made some good headway in cleaning out the extra bedroom, allowing us to set up baby's first bookshelf (the goal is to have the room painted by the end of February - I will be in the third trimester at that point.)

And now for a humorous anecdote:

I walked into the restroom at work the other day, and the department manager (DM) was in there. Here's what happened:

DM: Oh, Leslie, I have something kind of uncomfortable to talk to you about.
L: Um, okay. What's going on?
DM: Well, Derrik wants me to bring in a stethoscope so that he can listen to your baby's heartbeat.
L: Yeah, he already told me that, and I sent him a digital file of the baby's heartbeat a couple of months ago.
DM: Well, that was really nice of you. I don't see why that wouldn't be good enough. It probably wouldn't be a good idea to bring in the stethoscope then, huh?
L: Uh, no, I wouldn't be comfortable with that.
DM: Yeah, that's probably a sexual harassment complaint waiting to happen.

Gee, ya think?!

I swear, the place I work is full of crazies. It's so comforting to know that my DM needed me to tell her that Derrik's request was inappropriate. What a world.

Wednesday, January 28, 2009

Rite of Passage

I haven't been in the best place lately. Life is... complicated. Very overwhelming. And kind of lonely. Lots of happy moments, of course, but this sense of sadness that I can't shake. I was pretty busy at work today, which kept me from thinking much about things. And then I went and got a much-needed haircut afterwards. I won't say it made me feel like a million bucks, but it was a vast improvement.

I took my normal route home, listening to music as usual. I was driving down a semi-lit street that I'm pretty familiar with, when all of a sudden a black and white flash ran right out in front of me. It was a cat. I slammed on my brakes, but you guessed it....

It was too late. I heard two thumps under my car, and I immediately freaked out and burst into tears. I turned the car around and drove slowly back the way I came.

No cat in sight. Still sobbing, I parked the car and got out and walked around a bit. No cat.

This was horrific to me, not being able to find the cat. I so desperately wanted to find it and see if it had a collar on. I wanted to notify its owner and tell them how much I suck for running over their pet. All I could think of was how bad it would be for this cat's owner.

It reminded me of our family dog Ginger. She was the most awesome dog in the world, but she had one weakness: chasing cars. One day she decided to run out to the road as this gigantic diesel truck was coming, and she got hit. She was just lying there in the road afterwards, and we all ran out to her. I petted her gently, because it was obvious she was in so much pain. My mom took her to the vet, where she died during the middle of the night. It hit us all really hard, because we loved her so damn much.

I was twelve years old when that happened. But still, every time I think of Ginger, I tear up. Because she was an amazing dog who left us far too soon.

To think that I probably killed someone's beloved pet makes me feel like the biggest piece of shit on the planet. Although I did what I could to avoid that tragic end, I still hate that I am the cause of that pain. I am really not happy with myself tonight.

When I got home, I was greeted by three lovely kitties, all of whom were so happy to see me. Me, the cat murderer. I went into the bedroom and cried some more. Not just over the cat, but over all the other completely unfair things in this world. Over loss and sadness and tragedy. Over how easily things can be taken away. Over the death of the sweetest dreams. I cried because I feel so damn helpless sometimes. Because I want things to be right for the people I love. Because there's absolutely nothing I can do to make their pain go away. Because some things that happen just aren't right.

I don't know why I titled this post what I did, but it just seemed right. I guess sadness is always a rite of passage, a trial which we are forced to bear. Sometimes there's a happy ending.

And sometimes, there's just an ending.

Tuesday, January 27, 2009

In Search of a Better Me

A List of Thoughts

1) I find myself tonight in a whirlwind of self-evaluation. What makes me tick; what motivates me? How could I be better? Does anyone else gaze at themselves so critically?

2) I just want to be a better person. I'm just so far from being the person I want to be, but oddly, sometimes I am completely satisfied with who I am and the way I handle things. Is this inner conflict a human quality, or is it just my quality?

3) Sometimes I just don't understand other people, and that makes me want to pigeonhole them and perhaps make them into something they aren't. People in turn do this to me. It's never fair. No wonder we all just can't get along.

4) I decided recently that I was going to try to work on some of my bad habits, and well, the process hasn't been easy. Let's just say that quitting smoking was far easier than breaking these mental and emotional addictions. But I don't want to do things that make me feel negative. I want to be a positive force in the world.

5) The best thing to do when you're feeling a little down and out is to call someone you love. So tonight I did just that. I spoke with my mother-in-law, and then I talked to Myra. For some reason it was them I wanted to talk to; I obeyed the instinct of wanting to hear their voices and am glad I did. And then Roy and I talked a lot over dinner, and as usual, he worked wonders for my tired ol' soul. Now I'm here, talking to cyberland, which is both a void and an overflow.

6) I guess I do have a lot to say and have been feeling slightly lonely lately, even though I don't lack for loved ones or good conversation. It's nice to talk, even if all that comes out is Leslie-babble.

7) This is how I feel tonight. Tomorrow it could be totally different. That's the beauty of this wild unpredictability, this crazy life.

Monday, January 26, 2009

Guten Tag!

I got tagged by phairhead to post ten truths about myself that I have not yet blogged about. Thanks, phairhead! I'm not big on tags and stuff, but I'm at home feeling kind of sneezy, so what the hell.

1) I love picking my nose. Now, before you freak out, it's not like I walk around with my finger up my nose. But if there's a goober in there that the Kleenex can't get, I don't mind discreetly digging it out with one of my cute little digits. The best boogers are the dry ones that stick to the inside of my nose - love!

2) I have about 115 credits on PaperBackSwap, which means that I am eligible to receive 115 books. I've started ordering books for the kiddo, but it will take awhile to deplete my stash of credits (a good thing).

3) I don't think I'm very interesting. I often think how cool it'd be to be someone like dooce and to be super duper popular, but I'm just not that girl. And when it comes down to it, I don't think I could handle the popularity anyway. I like anonymity. I'm a lurker by nature (online, anyway).

4) I collect links. I star things in my Google Reader that appeal to me and often never reference most of them again. I bookmark tons of links and then never use most of them. Every once in awhile, I go through my bookmarks and it's like Christmas.

5) I would love to photograph the inside of people's homes. I am pretty fascinated by the way others keep their houses.

6) I would love to be a professional snoop. I don't snoop in real life, which is probably why I do so much snooping (lurking) online. Yeah, I sound creepy.

7) I could fit in a highchair with the tray on when I was 18. I'd love to see if I still could. The end result might depress me, though.

8) I took dance lessons/classes for thirteen years, from age five to eighteen. Even though it's been a long, long while since I've performed, I still miss it.

9) I often wonder if I have what it takes to succeed. I have always had big dreams, but it seems that I just lack discipline. Because of this, I wonder what matters more: talent or diligence?

10) It took me all of ten seconds to come up with the (lame) title for this post. Here, have a picture for your troubles.

So, now you all know what a nose-picking, boring, stalking wannabe dancer I am. But at least I could still fit in a highchair when I was 18. That counts for something.

Saturday, January 24, 2009

22 weeks

Friday marked the day I turned 22 weeks pregnant. It was another good week with a decent amount of energy and many people telling me how good I look (which does wonders for this pregnant woman's ego). I'm feeling the kiddo kicking on a regular basis, and let me tell you, it just never gets old. I miss feeling him move when he's silent, although many women have told me that I will soon be wishing for him not to be moving so much.

We had a very nice moment on Thursday night. I was lying on the couch, and Roy started reading a Beatrix Potter story to Bunlet. Right away Bunlet kicked me with all his might and kept kicking as Roy kept reading. It was pretty perfect. We are both so smitten with our little guy, who seems to just love books and music like we do.

This week was also characterized by some very strange and vivid dreams, one of which had to do with Bunlet ending up being a girl. On Monday I have my follow-up ultrasound, so let's just say that I'll be asking the tech to confirm that he is indeed a boy. I don't feel that my dream is some kind of prophecy, but we never really did get a great money shot during our big ultrasound. It'd be nice to get one this time around.

Here I am this week:

I look so tired in this picture.

For some reason, the Nest has decided that the entirety of month 5 will be represented by a papaya. I guess they ran out of fruits to compare the baby to. So I guess by the end of month 5, Bunlet will be the size of a much bigger papaya than the smaller papaya size he is now.

So, I said earlier that it was a good week, and it was. But still, I need to do some venting. So here goes.

VENT #1:

I hate registering.

I hated registering for our wedding, and I hate registering for baby stuff. Yes, it's fun to pick out sheets and a stroller and all that other fun baby stuff. But I had no clue how hard it really would be. I had no flipping idea that in choosing what products you want for your baby, you're kind of making....eep....parenting choices. Will you buy a swing, a jumper, a gym, a stationary play station? Will you use disposable or cloth diapers? Will you use chlorine-free baby wipes? Will you formula feed or breastfeed? Will you use a bumper in the crib? Will you co-sleep? Will you be a baby-wearer? Will you sentence your baby to a life of macho aggression if you buy him blue washcloths?

It is overwhelming. Of course I had given consideration to many of these questions before registering, but still: there's so much that I just. don't. know.

Roy and I spent about five hours in Babies R Us this week. What a place. It's supposed to make things easier for you, but in all reality, it makes things much harder. I think choices are great and all, but this store is just chock full of too many. The handy registry guide is not really all that helpful, considering that it contains a list of "must have" items which are really not "must have." Because don't you know that one baby needs a travel system, a jogging stroller, and an umbrella stroller? That baby needs an armoire, a dresser, a changing table, a chair, an ottoman, and a crib? Oh, and don't forget the lamp, the rug, the window valance, the mobile, the toy box, the diaper stacker, the hamper, and the trash can!

Babies are a business just like anything else, apparently. And we've managed to somewhat put a registry together, but oh, there is still work to be done. Cleaning up the registry online has been a much more positive experience. It's going to take awhile to get everything all neat and tidy. Good thing we have a month or so until the shower invites go out!

VENT #2:

It is not okay to criticize the way I handle my pregnancy or anything having to do with it.

This week a co-worker walked by my office, saw my cheesesteak sandwich, and asked, "May I ask why you're eating that?"

I told her I was hungry, and she proceeded to tell me that she gained a lot of weight at the end of her pregnancy and that I really need to watch what I eat and blah blah blah. I finally told her that I appreciated her advice but "it's my body."

Once she left, I was absolutely fuming. To imply that I was doing something terrible because I was eating something that she wouldn't eat was a crappy thing for her to do. Later on, she came back and told me that a great way to deal with cravings was to eat nuts. Since when did my lunch become some irrational pregnant craving for which I should apologize?

Unfortunately, this was not an isolated incident. Once you're pregnant, it becomes everyone's business, apparently. It's a lot like getting married, when people ask, "Are you sure you want to do this? My dirty rat of an ex-husband cheated on me with all of my friends." Only this time the implication is that I am somehow already failing at motherhood.

Don't get me wrong: I appreciate good advice, but I usually ask for it if I want it. I don't need to be torn down for my choices. I don't appreciate someone gasping over the fact that I may have a caffeinated beverage. I don't appreciate the spouting off of medical studies that I haven't even read about why I should avoid this food or that food. And I sure as hell don't appreciate someone talking about my weight, unless, of course, they want to express admiration for what a MILF I am. Why is any of this acceptable? Just because I'm pregnant does not mean that my body and what I put into it or do to it is anyone's flipping concern.

Yes, I drink caffeinated soda.
Yes, I eat candy and other things that are "bad" for me.
Yes, I have travelled by plane.
Yes, I ingest all kinds of food with soy in it.
Yes, I eat deli meat.
Yes, I eat soft cheeses if they are pasteurized.
Yes, I take Tylenol or Benadryl if I really need to.
Yes, I have even taken Ambien on one occasion.
Yes, I take hot baths.
Yes, I get pedicures.
Yes, I get massages.
Yes, I get my hair highlighted.
Yes, I have done some moderate lifting of things.
Yes, the dental hygienist numbed me a bit when she cleaned my teeth.
Yes, I had an X-ray.
Yes, I am even going to have some oral surgery in a couple of weeks.
Yes, I do all these things - and some more I've forgotten, I'm sure - but I do them in moderation.

But guess what? I also have a balanced diet, go walking almost every day, drink water, take prenatal vitamins, and try to take it easy when my body lets me know that it's time to do so. I don't smoke, drink, or use drugs. I don't go skydiving or parasailing or crowd surfing. I don't do heavy cleaning without a mask, and I won't participate in the peeling off the wallpaper and painting of Bunlet's room without said mask, if at all. But I made a choice not to live this pregnancy in a bubble. I make educated choices about the things I do, and I consult my doctor or another reliable source if I have questions.

The bottom line is that the only people who really need to have input into any of this pregnancy business are me, Roy, and my doctor. I am the research queen, and I knew a whole lot about pregnancy before I even got pregnant. I figured I'd be one of those people who would cut out all possibly questionable things during pregnancy, but as it turns out, this pregnancy has turned into an "everything in moderation" type of deal. And I am not going to feel guilty about that.

So I've decided that I will start handing out my doctor's business card to anyone who has "concerns" about my pregnancy.

So those are my vents for week 22. Obviously, my co-worker's comment really bothered me. But I'm trying hard to remember that this is good preparation for when Bunlet is actually born, because I know that's when the real "advice" is going to start. Gee, I can't wait for that.

Tuesday, January 20, 2009


It's something we never seem to lose, no matter how downtrodden we are, but it's nice to have more of it.

Today begins a long, hopeful journey for our nation. I believe that healing is possible.

Hopefully President Obama will pick up a copy of this book of letters from youngsters and follow the advice contained within:

“If I were president, I would help all nations, even Hawaii." -- Chad Timsing, age 9, Los Angeles

“I really hope you put America back together. No pressure though." -- Sheenie Shannon Yip, age 13, Seattle

"1. Fly to the White House in a helicopter. 2. Walk in. 3. Wipe feet. 4. Walk to the Oval Office. 5. Sit down in a chair. 6. Put hand sanitizer on hands. 7. Enjoy moment. 8. Get up. 9. Get in car. 10. Go to the dog pound." -- Chandler Browne, age 12, Chicago

And, while it wasn't advice, exactly, we thought this was worth sharing:

"You are just like a big me." -- Avante Price, age 7, Seattle

Thanks and have fun running the country!

Happy Inauguration Day!

21 weeks

Note: This post was written for Friday, January 16.

I am 21 weeks pregnant today! I've got a little Bunlet banana boy inside of me.

I got my weekly pregnancy email this past weekend letting me know that this would probably be one of the best weeks of my entire pregnancy. That email was right. I've been feeling great, and I've had lots of energy. I could use some more sleep (as usual), but I'm convinced that the pregnancy-related insomnia is probably here to stay, unfortunately.

Here I am this week:

For some reason I thought this week of pregnancy would be uneventful. I was completely wrong. So much has been happening! (So get ready for a long post.)

In list form:

1) Nesting. This past week I was seized with the uncontrollable urge to get everything organized and cleaned. You may recall that we moved into our new house back in November, and of course we are not entirely settled in yet. Now that I'm halfway through my pregnancy and I know we'll be bringing home a baby in five months or less, I am a cleaning, organizing, purging machine. We had a yard sale last weekend and spent the entire rest of the weekend getting things put in their proper place.

I have to say, I have no idea how we ended up with so much stuff. I feel a little ashamed at our excess, but we're doing our part to downsize and make do with only the necessities and things we absolutely love.

2) Babbling. I no longer know how to form a coherent sentence. In the past couple of weeks, I've said things like "living coexistfully" and "big bowl of bubble wrap" (instead of "big roll of bubble wrap"). One night Roy asked me if I wanted something to drink, and I said, "Yes! I want that...what is it? You know what I mean! That stuff!" Poor Roy was as bewildered as I was - finally, I yelled out "GREEN CAN!", hoping he would know that I meant ginger ale.

And that's not all. On Wednesday night, I was eating dinner, and I told Roy, "This fork doesn't cut too well." Again, the poor bewildered face of Roy, and still I kept saying, "This fork isn't cutting well." Finally, I realized that what I actually meant was "knife."

Oh, brain, I miss you.

3) Pregnancy brain. I think that #2 is part of this. My memory is pretty terrible now, and I make silly mistakes. I sent an email to my boss requesting to have a couple of hours off on 9/22 when I meant 1/22. One of the attorneys I work with asked me to make a phone call requesting some information, and I wrote down all the pertinent info. I just didn't make the phone call, and she ended up making it herself.

And those are just two examples. I'd give you more, but I can't remember them.

4) Leg cramps. I've been woken up a couple of nights this week with severe leg cramps. No fun.

5) Sneezing. I do this a lot. I have actually been sneezing quite a bit throughout my pregnancy, but it's gotten worse lately. I'm sure the winds don't help.

6) Cravings. These are out of control. Most people tend to ask if I crave strange things, but my cravings are for normal foods, not for strange combinations. This week, it's been popcorn, Doritos, cookies, and milkshakes (notice a theme here?). Last week, it was Sour Patch Kids.

In addition to the cravings, I am hungry much more often than I used to be. Either Bunlet or I (or both) of us may be going through a growth spurt, because about an hour after I've eaten a meal, I'm hungry again. I am thankful that I'm one of those people who knows when to stop when it comes to food; otherwise, I'd probably be a fat cow by now.

7) Gingivitis. Unfortunately, I'm one of the many women who develops gingivitis during pregnancy. I have always had a shitty set of teeth (yay! genetics!) so this was no surprise to me. I visited the dentist this week to inspect one of my teeth (the crown fell off last week - how horrifically white trash) and to have a cleaning done. It was relatively painless, but of course I wasn't shocked to find out that I do need to have some dental work done - but most of it, if not all of it, can wait until after Bunlet is born.

8) Pre-pregnancy pants. The light of possibility shone down on me Wednesday morning as I got dressed for work. I saw one of my favorite pairs of pre-pregnancy pants hanging in the closet and decided to give them a whirl, even though I gave up wearing them when I was 13 weeks.

Imagine my surprise and delight when I was able to button them up and wear them that day! They fit pretty well under my belly, and I walked into work feeling like an absolute rock star. I had to take a picture, of course.

(This picture makes me look like I just have a large, white stomach that is big just for the sake of being big. Which is awesome.)

All was wonderful in pre-pregnancy pants land, and then I ate lunch. And apparently everything expanded, because the next thing I knew, I was rushing for the bathroom, bella band in hand, so that I could unbutton my pants and leave them that way for the rest of the day.

It was fun while it lasted.

9) Movement. Yes, we can feel our little guy moving around! Remember when I said I had felt some small explosions in my belly last week? Well, that was him, but I wasn't certain of it at the time. I became pretty sure during my dentist appointment. I was listening to my iPod, and I put one of the earbuds on my tummy. Right away, I felt something similar to gas. Before bed that night, I tried it again with the music, and I got an immediate (and strong) reaction. I summoned Roy into the room and had him put his hand on my belly, and sure enough, Bunlet kicked and Roy was able to feel it!

It is a very cool thing to experience; it definitely makes my pregnancy feel more real and exciting. Since that night, I've been feeling him kick and punch more regularly, and it always makes me smile. It's like I have my own little secret. I often wish that I had a window into my uterus so that I could see what he's doing in there.

10) First stranger comment. Yep, someone who didn't know I was pregnant beforehand commented on my belly. It was cool to know that my belly is looking more like a baby belly and less like a beer belly.

And that's all for this week...

Monday, January 19, 2009

The Laramie Project

I watched The Laramie Project today. We've had the movie at home for weeks, gathering dust by the TV, and I've often asked Roy if he wanted to watch it.

"Too depressing," he said.

And that's true. It's the story of Matthew Shepard and the hate crime committed against him in October 1998. It's not exactly light and fun. But in the spirit of what today stands for, I decided to watch it. And I'd recommend it.

The most emotional part was the dramatization of Dennis Shepard's (Matthew's father) speech, which can be heard in the video below:

The full text of the speech can be found here. It's definitely worth a read.

At the risk of sounding trite, I'll say this: I will never forget Matthew Shepard or his legacy of social justice and equality.

I have a dream.

"We have also come to this hallowed spot to remind America of the fierce urgency of Now. This is no time to engage in the luxury of cooling off or to take the tranquilizing drug of gradualism. Now is the time to make real the promises of democracy. Now is the time to rise from the dark and desolate valley of segregation to the sunlit path of racial justice. Now is the time to lift our nation from the quicksands of racial injustice to the solid rock of brotherhood. Now is the time to make justice a reality for all of God's children."

-MLK, Jr.-

I read MLK Jr.'s famous "I have a dream" speech this morning. Considering all that has happened in relation to Prop 8, I consider this speech to be particularly applicable to our time. I don't suppose there's ever an end to social injustice and inequality, but it sure is nice to dream about, isn't it?

Yesterday I had a casual conversation with a lesbian couple I know. After much deliberation about where to spend their lives, they decided to stay right here, at least for awhile.

"After all, "said my friend L, "California is probably the best place for domestic partnerships."

That simple sentence struck me pretty deeply, as I realized that these two, like so many, are limited to where they can go because of their sexual orientation. This is something Roy and I have never had to discuss; it's just never been a consideration for us since we're on the "right side of normal."

It saddens me that people can't live where they want to for fear of having what little rights they have taken away. What saddens and angers me even more is that there will always be people who will be okay with denying others their rights.

My thoughts today are for the future. For tolerance. For possibility. For acceptance. For justice.

But even when these things are nowhere to be seen, we still have our dreams.

(Thanks, MLK Jr.)

Friday, January 16, 2009

The world is a heavy place.

I had my 21 week post all planned out and written for today, but I'm not going to post it right now. Perhaps I'll post it next week or sometime when I'm feeling more up to it.

I don't think I'll ever completely understand the way the world works. I believe in balance in the universe, but sometimes I don't see much evidence of that. And that is incredibly frustrating and heartbreaking. It makes me feel, well, heavy. Like there are a million cement blocks stacked on top of me. Like I'm trying to walk with a gravestone chained to my ankle.

I'm tired of tragic things happening to people I love and even to people I barely know. Things have happened this week that should not have happened, ever. It's not fair or right.

That's all.

(PS - I'm fine, and the baby's fine - but on an emotional level, things could be better. I realize I'm being cryptic, but that is unavoidable right now.)

Thursday, January 15, 2009

School Days, Booklust

So on Monday I started school again. Well, kind of. I'm taking an online French class and will be doing some work (hopefully, a lot) on my thesis. I don't have to actually attend classes on campus, which is awesome, because going up to campus totally kicked my ass last quarter.

Actually, the whole quarter kicked my ass, which makes me wonder if I'm just a bit crazy for continuing on with this school thing while being pregnant. But if I could graduate with my MA before Bunlet is born, that would be awesome!

I'm not going to kill myself trying, but it's something that I would like to see happen. So wish me luck. And while you're doing that, have a gander at my gangly toenails that desperately need a pedicure:

Now that you're done staring in awe at my toes, hop on over to our Amazon store to check out some of our wares. We're not even close to done with putting all the books up for sale. It is such a huge project and will take awhile to get each title listed. I'm happy to say, though, that we've had about twenty orders since getting started last week.

We are so not in this for the money. We just want to get rid of these books. So feel free to buy one or seven if you've got the urge. I will personally call you up and sing, "I Will Always Love You" (Whitney Houston style) if you do so.

Wednesday, January 14, 2009

Ezekiel 25:17

The other night I saw this:

And it reminded me of how much I love this:

Particularly this:

So Roy and I sat down and watched the movie, and I had a chocolate shake that wasn't a $5 shake and thought about how awesome it would be to be Samuel L. Jackson.

The end.