Can't Nobody Hold Me Down

Despite the silly things that go on at my office, such as my recent office move, there are things at work that make me happy.

1) A basket full of printer ink



2) The fact that two of the big department bosses felt guilty enough about making me move into a crappy office that they each bought me a plant





3) Hanging up my personal photos - inspiration from here



4) The fact that I can still see the outside world from my new office



The photos are crappy, but you get the idea.

Saying Goodbye to Natural Light

Remember back in June when I was suddenly moved into a new office?

It happened again today.

I am now sitting in the absolute worst office available in my department. It's tiny and cramped and poorly lit. It's in direct eyesight of the department's nosiest admin. It has no window. Worst of all, it's directly across from my old window office.

Are you wondering why I moved across the hallway?

It's because we have a new attorney starting on Monday, and she deserves a window office more than I do. And just like last time, I found out today that I had to move all my stuff out so that she'll have a nice, clean office to sit in on Monday. They didn't even clean the office that I'm in now!

Blah. I hate being a peon.

Still

I joined the Photo Trade this month. Basically, it's just as it sounds - trading photos with a partner each month. The photos are all based on a theme. The theme for September is "Still."

Here are the two photos I'm going to send out. I hope my partner likes them!




You can see other people's photos here.

In other news:

1) Roy and I worked out again tonight. I cussed at the TV quite a bit.

2) My computer is still being kind of a douchebag.

3) Last night I actually wrote a couple of poems that didn't suck sweaty balls.

4) I am reading a really good book.

5) I actually haven't been hating my job these days.

The end, for tonight.

Letting Go

This weekend I was able to get most of my to-do list done, although I didn't really get to do the anniversary shoot with Melinda and Chris. We did meet up and I did get some pictures, but we were pretty disorganized and ended up wasting a lot of time (and light). So I think we're going to have to meet up again, with it all figured out beforehand. The upside is that I got to hang with Melinda, who is a wonderful friend of mine. I don't get to see her nearly enough.

I spent a lot of time this weekend trying to diagnose and fix my computer and working on our place. We think the issue with the computer is spyware, and it's currently being worked on. (I'm just going to interject here and say that my next computer will be a Mac and that I will never use any Norton products again.) Our apartment is looking totally awesome, although something really does need to be done about the brown carpet and wood panelling. Truly, though, moving things around and getting rid of more unnecessary crap has been so therapeutic for me.

One thing that I decided we needed was to have each room's purpose clearly defined. For example, our bedroom was a mess of books, VHS tapes, and electronics, with all the regular bedroom stuff mixed in. I didn't realize how much crap we had in there until we took a lot of it out. Now it feels like a calmer, open area, which makes for a calmer, open me.

The living room, too, was crammed full of stuff, and moving a lot of that stuff out and rearranging the furniture has created positive new energy. The computer room is definitely a work of progress and will probably never feel open or uncrowded, unless we decide to get rid of a ton of books. But it's getting better.



All this sorting, rearranging, and cleaning has made me think back to my summertime manifesto, the list of things I wanted to accomplish over the summer:

1) eat better and exercise and really keep it up instead of doing it for a week and then going back to my old habits - This has not been done. I am still the 150 lb. person I was at the beginning of the summer, but I have a new workout video on the way to me. I am really tired of feeling fat, complaining about fat, etc. It's time to do something about it. I keep telling myself that if I can quit smoking, then I can do this.

2) look for a new job - Done. I have applied for about 50 positions at this point. I've had a few companies express interest in me, but nothing has worked out.

3) purge our living quarters of unnecessary crap - In progress. What a great feeling.

4) have a yard sale - Done. We had two of them in June.

5) complete the documents necessary to amending our marriage license, so that I can finally change my name (hopefully) - Done. Got the new name to prove it.

6) get organized - this means everything: my computer, our apartment, my work computer, and everything else in between (everything has been entirely too chaotic for entirely too long) - In progress. Work computer is done. Apartment is close to being done. My personal computer is a whole other story. It's a mess. Once I get it all fixed, this is going to become a high priority.

7) edit all leftover photos - In progress. I was working on this when my computer decided to crap out on me.

8) take lots of pictures - Done.

9) write a lot - Done, but not as much as I'd like.

10) research and read for my thesis - Oh, please. This is so not done. School really is the farthest thing from my mind.

11) sign up for a consultation for Lasik - Done. Got the 20/15 vision to prove it.

12) relax and have fun - Done.



I can't say this was a good summer. I can't say it was a bad one, either. I can say that it was extremely complicated and emotional, with some really joyous moments mixed in as well as some overwhelming downers. Overall, though, I'd say that I learned a lot about myself and what I am capable of handling. So I'm starting the fall with a renewed sense of self-confidence and strength.

To continue on that note, this summer I've realized how much I desire simplicity in my life. There are some things that are never going to be simple, like relationships and my own inner workings. I'm learning to balance that by simplifying the other things in my life, like our home, our finances, and my daily routine.

There are also those things that I will never be able to control. I've spent a lot of time hating my job, and I've spent a lot of time trying to improve it and/ or trying to find a new one. The bottom line is that I have done what I can to make myself more professionally fulfilled at this point in my life, and I will continue to hang tight to my dreams and obey my creative longings. Now I'm just making the best of a bad situation. I don't have more work to do, but I have been keeping myself busy anyway with my own personal work. If they want to utilize me, I'm there and in favor of it. If not, then I'll just do my own thing. Maybe I'll write the Great American Novel on their dime. I already got paid to plan my wedding!

I think I am just tired of feeling angry about my job situation. Anger is exhausting. It can be a great motivator, but sometimes I just have to let go. I think this is one of those times where I just need to acknowledge the situation and move on. Things could be so much worse, especially considering the state of the economy.

So, this is where I am right now at this moment. And frankly, it's not a bad place to be. It's actually a place that feels eerily like...well, happiness.

***

PS - I feel another long, completely self-indulgent post coming on sometime within the next few weeks.

Photo credit goes to borealnz, another talented flickr photographer. (As long as my computer keeps sucking, I'll have to use other people's photos. They sure are pretty to look at, aren't they?)

Things I Learned This Week

1) Work can be good if I'm busy. Which I was. All week. A very nice change of pace.

2) Life is better when Myra is around. But she needs to be off doing her own thing, and I respect and understand that.

3) I have great friends. The best, really.

4) It does not feel good to have your vagina propped open for an extended period of time while a radiologist injects dye into your uterus to make sure your fallopian tubes are open. But it is totally worth the uncomfortableness when you see the dye spill out around your ovaries, thereby letting you know that your tubes are indeed open for business.

5) It's hard to live without a computer. But if you have a husband who recognizes that you have a strong Internet dependency and lets you use his computer, that helps lessen the pain of separation.

6) Sometimes the only thing you can do is make it through a moment. Some days are a-moment-at-a-time days.

7) It's important to keep your eyes open and notice the world around you. I found this little thing on the sidewalk outside my office building and loved photographing it. It's been hanging out on my office windowsill ever since I rescued it.



Happy weekends to all!

This job may be hazardous to your health.

I feel old.

I have always had back problems due to scoliosis, but lately my back has been killing me. A visit to the massage therapist on Friday offered me some temporary relief over the weekend, but yesterday and today I came straight home from work, crawled into a warm bath, and laid in bed, alternating heat and cold on the really sore areas. It literally hurts to sit.

I blame my job. Sitting all day is not exactly great for one's alignment. But hey, at least I've gotten some cool macro shots out of it.





Once I have all the kinks worked out, I'm going to do yoga more often. I'm afraid to do it now for fear of hurting myself any more.

There will be a much cooler post tomorrow.

Tuesday Discoveries

-I saw this awesome license plate on my lunch break.



-I finally figured out what to do about my name change issue. I found out today that the state will definitely not amend our marriage license to reflect Roy's name change, which means that in order to change my name, I will have to go through the courts. This will cost us around $400, but to be perfectly honest, I am happy to pay it if that's what it takes. You'd think I'd be upset about this, but no, I'm just relieved to finally have a definitive answer and to know what to do. I guess it's a good thing that I put off requesting the amendment, being as it wouldn't have done us any good anyway.

I would also like to say something that I will probably never say again, so take note: I am actually grateful that I work in a legal office, because if it wasn't for some of my co-workers doing some digging on this issue, I never would have known for sure what to do. Also, based on this experience, I would also like to say that County employees are generally useless. I don't blame them entirely; it's the bureaucracy that causes all the miscommunication and ignorance.

And lastly, those of you who are getting married and wanting to both change your names, please have your future husband change his name before you pick up your marriage license. Honestly, it would have saved us so much time, money, and sanity had we done it this way. That was our original plan, but someone *coughRoycough* decided to wait until a month before our wedding to file for his name change (and to be fair to my long-suffering husband, the County employee he spoke to did say that everything would be fine if his name change went through after our wedding). Try to give it at least a couple of months for the whole process to be completed, because it takes awhile.

-I often check out the organized collection photo pool, and today this photo in particular made me happy.



-I have finally figured out how to control the temperature in my office. Last week, I was freezing, so I covered up my A/C vent (which is right over my chair) with a piece of cardboard. Yesterday afternoon, though, the heat coming in through my window was sweltering. So today I cut a small rectangle in the cardboard, and now I have controlled A/C. Yay. It's the little things, right?

Office Politics

I was pulling out my hair dryer from under my desk this morning when the director of the department (hereinafter referred to as "DD") walked into my office. (Yes, I dry my hair at work. I just can't be bothered to do it at home anymore.) She proceeded to tell me that I am too far away from everyone and that I need to be closer so that they can give me more things to do. She also said that since one of our admins is going to be out for an unknown amount of time, they're going to need me to cover for her.

Fine. That's great. I don't mind helping out at all. But seriously, do I need to move into an entirely new office to do so?

Hell no.

Even so, right after lunch the DD came waltzing into my office to announce that it was time for me to move into my new office. It took me about an hour to move all my stuff, because I had to stop quite a few times to explain to people why I was moving (which resulted in a lot of eye-rolling, I'd like to add).

I'm not sure why I'm now in here, but here I am. This office has one major perk: it's got a window. Experiencing natural light in the middle of the day is a little like what I imagine heaven to be. It's truly wonderful to look out the window and see the trees and the sky and the back of the post office.

The guy who used to sit in this office told me that the view is spectacular during the winter. (I'm guessing that the post office just magically disappears or something.) Actually, my first thought when he told me that was: "If I'm still here in the winter, I'm going to stab my eyes out."

Despite the lovely scenery, having a window does not make up for the fact that the DD's nosy admin is right next door to me. It does not make up for the fact that now my back is to the hallway, which means I can't surf the net much anymore. It does not make up for the fact that people can no longer come see me in my office for something non-work related because said admin might go tell DD. I might have to resort to wearing headphones all day, which I don't really like to do at work because they make me paranoid.

This is hard. Being able to surf the net and talk with people I like are the two things that literally get me through the day. Yes, I probably shouldn't be doing these things at work, but if I were actually kept busy, then I wouldn't rely on them as much as sources of enjoyment.

I really hope that I am actually given more things to work on, because then maybe this move would make sense. (That's a big maybe, though.)

Me, I'm still keeping my fingers crossed for another move - right out of this beige hell and into something a little more colorful.

Celebrating Me

I started this post awhile back and am just now getting around to finishing it. Normally, I'd just let it go, but since it was my birthday weekend (June 6-8), I figured it's worth writing about.

Anyway, my birthday weekend had all the elements I wanted: fun, friends, family, and relaxation. It was also a wonderful way to kick off summer, which hadn't officially started yet, but I was pretending it was.

Friday:

Work as usual. My friend Jessica bought me a present (some candy, sunscreen, a candle, and a beautiful card) in this lovely blue bag:



Crazy Daisy featured me on her blog in a weekly meme she's doing called Pay It Forward Friday. She had some very nice things to say about me, which made a good pre-birthday gift for me. Thank you, Crazy Daisy!

A group of us went out to lunch at the Gourmet Pizza Shoppe. I took a few pictures with my point and shoot, but they are really bad quality due to the fact that I had to use the flash. I'm too lazy to edit them. So, here you are: really bad pictures of some of my unnameable homies from work.



After lunch, I got some bad news. I found out that the graduate committee had not passed my thesis proposal. Naturally, this did not make me very happy and thus warrants a hopefully short tangent.

Begin tangent.

Hearing the news that my thesis proposal needs revision really kind of blew me away. Yes, I did not put a lot of effort into it this past quarter, but a lot of work went into it in the quarter before. I am very disappointed in myself for not working on it continuously throughout the quarter, because by the time I submitted it to my readers, they only had a short time with it before they had to let me know whether or not it could be sent up to the committee.

However, I am trying to be too hard on myself, because I busted my ass each and every day this quarter in my internship and fairy tales class. It's not like I was just being a lazy mofo. I was giving 150% to other things, which caused me to neglect my proposal. And to be honest, my proposal was good. It really was. From what I understand, the committee wants me to approach my subject in a different way. And well, no amount of good writing can make up for the fact that I'm not a mind reader.

The worst part? Because of this, I will not be able to resubmit my proposal until the fall. (The committee doesn't meet during the summer.) That means that I won't graduate in December. This has been very hard for me to accept. A week and a half later, I am finally beginning to come to terms with it. But I won't lie - it's upsetting.

End tangent.

After work, I went to get a massage. My back, neck, and shoulders had been giving me issues all week, so I called up my massage therapist Reuven and had him fit me in. I hadn't been to see Reuven since the day before my wedding (almost a year ago), so it was good to catch up with him. I am supposed to get monthly massages because I have a mild case of scoliosis, but as insurance does not cover it, sometimes I have to skip them.

As usual, the massage was wonderful, and I drove home feeling all wiggly.

A little later on, Roy walked me to Mandy's for a night of Bunco. Bunco is this really fun dice game, and Mandy is a member of a couple of Bunco groups. She was hosting the get-together for the month of June and needed a replacement. That's where I came in.

The theme of the get-together was "The Honeymoon's Over," pretty appropriate considering Mandy's recent wedding. Mandy served "moldy" wedding cake for dessert and put pimple cream on her face. This photo whore took a lot of detail shots:








But once the game started, I put down the camera and joined the party. I had forgotten how loud and screechy a big group of women can be, but it was screechiness I enjoyed. I had a really great time playing. I even won a prize for being the second highest scorer!

Paul and Mandy walked me home after the game was over. Roy had gone out for the evening but returned soon after me with a bag full of birthday goodies. It was about 11:00 PM, so I was able to rationalize opening my gifts before my actual birthday.

I was absolutely thrilled to see that Roy had bought me a new iPod. My old iPod was a third generation dinosaur that hadn't held a charge on its own in a couple of years. Now I have a brand spanking new 80GB iPod classic that I have named Silver Bullet. Silver Bullet and I are already great friends.




Saturday (my birthday!)

We woke up early (as usual) and went to the Farmer's Market with Mandy and Paul later on that morning.



I found a cool box from 1955 at an antique shop nearby.



After we were done, we went to Mandy and Paul's to see the dog they found.



Our original plans for the day were to spend the afternoon at the Huntington Gardens, but as we had plans for that night, we decided to stay local. I had developed a headache, so I spent the afternoon resting and watching our recent Netflix acquisitions.

Later that night, we all (me, Roy, Mandy, Paul, and Jake) piled into my mother-in-law's van and drove out to Orange County for murder mystery dinner theatre. I have been wanting to go to one of these events for quite awhile. It was loads of fun. On the way there, this was our soundtrack. (Just click it. You won't be sorry.)

We hung out in the bar for awhile before they let us into the dining area.



I noticed this man's very interesting hairdo.



I didn't take many good pictures during the dinner production. I was preoccupied with all that was going on, but here are a few shots (including the best one I got of one of the cast members):




All in all, I really enjoyed the performance and would recommend that others go and enjoy themselves. The dinner was good, too, but they piled all of the food together, which made me kind of lose my appetite. (Food phobias will do that to a person.) It was a really great way to celebrate my birthday, though. We even got to take a picture with the cast members.



I already have forgotten what we did on Sunday, but I seem to recall that it involved my being very, very lazy.

So that was my birthday weekend. It was a really great time - and a wonderful way to ring in the last year of my 20s.

Beans, Beans, the magical fruit

Today was my friend and co-worker Beans' last day of work. He got a job up in San Jose making a ton more money. I know that this is a wonderful opportunity for him, especially because he loves Northern California. Many, many people will miss him, because he is a wonderful guy to work with. He is also the coolest attorney I've ever met. Naturally, we couldn't let him leave without saying good-bye.

Last night we all went out to a local martini bar and had a few drinks. I ordered some nasty nachos. Beans got a horse figurine as a gift from our friend Kathleen (my Southern soul sister). (The third picture is of me, Jessica, and Beans. It looks like I just jumped in the picture to screw it up, which may or may not have happened.)



Today Beans, Kathleen, and I went out to this cool BBQ place for lunch and had some of the best BBQ I've ever had. There was some pretty cool artwork on the walls.



Then we had a pie party, complete with six kinds of pie, back at work. We took many photos. Beans and I enjoyed acting like we were pregnant.



Beans left some of his cool stuff for me: his stuffed squirrel, a Van Gogh print, and his "complete and utter bullshit" stamp.



I went to Bean' house after work to take a few things off his hands. Roy and Jake came along to exercise their manliness. Beans' manliness is the only one that got documented, though.



Seeing Beans leave is very similar to the feelings I had when Myra left. Myra's departure hit me on a more personal level, and while I consider Beans my friend, his leaving will really affect my professional life. From the day I started at my job, Beans took me under his wing. He has always taken care to explain legal things to me, while offering me the gift of his friendship. The best thing about my professional relationship with Beans is that he has always backed me up and been on my side. I have learned so much from him, and I am really grateful to have met him.

The thing I will probably miss most is the fact that Beans lets me talk crap to him and will give it back occasionally. I love it when someone engages in banter with me, and I am really going to miss that, dammit.

I am going to miss Beans' gigantic hair too.



All my work people are dropping like flies, man. It's a definite sign that I need to move on.