So I had an appointment with my massage therapist today. And this is what he did to me:
After trying a long time to work out a particularly stubborn sore spot (that was huge), he pulled out the big guns: a flame and a small glass container. He used these things to create a vacuum, which in turn he stuck on my back, which gave me giant hickies. And it was really! really! painful! But it got rid of the sore spot. I'm all good now. Please don't call the cops on my massage therapist - kthnxbai.
In other news, I woke up this morning feeling like a brand spankin' new woman! Thanks for all the cold remedy suggestions. In the end, I ended up taking a bath, eating some homemade turkey soup, and going to sleep. And that apparently did the trick.
So yeah, I'm on the mend. I'll have giant hickies for at least a week, but hey, I haven't gone through a whole box of Kleenex since yesterday. Awesome.