Tuesday, September 23, 2008

A Few Words About (In)Fertility Diagnostic Testing

I wrote this list (below) yesterday after spending quite a few days in the throes of an anxiety so intense that there were times I felt that I was going to fall into small pieces of Leslie. We were waiting on the results of an important fertility test. Finally, yesterday afternoon I got the call from the restricted number that never fails to make my heart start pounding. It was the nurse practitioner at the fertility clinic letting us know that we had passed another test with flying colors. Roy and I were so ecstatic that we had a nice dinner out to celebrate. And then I added in #10 below.

There are more tests to come and more sleepless nights to live through, but for now, I am so grateful for the good results. Each test we go through is more and more nerve-racking, but if there's anyone that I want to be on this roller coaster ride with, it's Roy.

And now, my notes.

***

1) The waiting (for the tests to be performed, and for the results as well) is excruciating.

2) You spend a lot of time each day preparing for the news that could change your life forever.

3) You also spend a lot of time anticipating pregnancy announcements from people you know and trying to figure out ways to gracefully handle them.

4) You seem to be surrounded by babies, children, and mothers-to-be. If they aren't surrounding you in real life, they run rampant in the virtual world.

5) A story about kids in foster care can reduce you to tears in a matter of seconds.

6) You often wonder how you ended up here. You are healthy, educated, employed, and in possession of all the traits that would make one a good parent.

7) You have started to consider that conceiving a baby could cost thousands upon thousands of dollars.

8) You no longer wonder if you will get pregnant this month. Instead you wonder if you will get pregnant this year.

9) You begin to "come out" to more and more people about your issues, and you find that people are much more supportive than you expected them to be.

10) When you get the news that your husband's sperm analysis is normal, you feel like you won the lottery.

11) You begin to realize that the advice that people gave you before you got married, to marry the person you want to go through hell with, is actually very good advice. And then you realize that waiting for a diagnosis is more like purgatory than hell. And then you begin to wonder how bad it's going to get before it will get better.

12) For all your sorrows and frustrations, you know that someday it will all be worth it. Because if there's anything worth waiting for, it's your child.

17 comments:

kim said...

Congrats on your good news! I hope the rest of the testing goes just as well.

Valerie said...

Glad to hear the results were good! You will make a great mom someday : )

kim said...

Oh, and I totally know what you mean about the restricted number calls. I just about have a heart attack when I see them pop up on my phone!

WeezerMonkey said...

Congratulations!

10yearstogether said...

Great news! I am happy to hear this and hope that everything else to come has positive results, pun intended.

Angie Eats Peace said...

Great news! I hope the trend continues!

Number one said...

Woot for the good news (I know you don't like woot but I just feel a woot here).
Wishing you and Roy the best.

dapotato said...

hug! and yay! i hope everything else keeps going OK and that you have lotsa supports in/during purgatory. :P

inflammatory writ said...

Hooray for good results!

I can't imagine what its like to desperately want a child, so I can't relate...but I do think its total bullshit that Sarah Palin can spawn (and her kids can spawn too) and not you. We need more people like you in the world, as opposed to batshit insane wolf killers with a world view tinier than the sperm she's so hell bent on protecting. But that's another post for another day.

It will happen for you. I just know it.

JennB said...

And when you guys do get pregnant, that baby will be perfect. It's only a matter of time. You're doing great. Keep smiling friend. It's hard to do but you can.

Erika said...

Congrats to you!!!

Here's hoping that ALL of your test's come back positive.....:)

Hang in there!

{{{HUGS}}}

amber said...

i'm glad the latest test came back with good results. and i hope that all future tests are the same way.

lots of love to you. {{hugs}}

Amy said...

I'm so sorry you're having to go through this. I totally relate to #8. And #12 is all too true no matter how painful it is. Congrats on the good news.

Bex said...

That's great news! Lots of good vibes are heading your way ;)

Claire said...

Good news and good luck moving forward... And thank you for sharing this experience...

Diabolina 3.1 said...

kisses!

My mom struggled quite a bit to get me. i think that made her a better mother. and i think my knowledge of her struggle made me love her differently. More considerate maybe.

p.s. i have a feeling that i will have issues when and if i decide to become a baby momma. is that weird to just know?

Nanette said...

Congrats!

And more hugs for you anyway. ((((((((Leslie)))))