Friday, August 22, 2008

Yesterday I Cried

Moody mofo, checkin' in.

The absolute best thing that you can possibly have when you are crying is a bag full of chocolate, a box full of Kleenex, and someone who loves you nearby. And if you're really lucky, that someone who loves you will make you a grilled cheese sandwich for dinner.

That was me last night. Me and my mini Heath bars and my snotty tissues and my grilled cheese sandwich and my amazing husband who loves me despite the fact that yes, it's true, I am a big ol' crybaby.

I am really glad it's the weekend.

Yesterday, I cried.
I came home, went straight to my room,
sat on the edge of my bed,
kicked off my shoes, unhooked my bra,
and I had myself a good cry.
I cried until my nose was running all over the silk blouse I got on sale.
I cried until my ears were hot.
I cried until my head was hurting so bad
that I could hardly see the pile of soiled tissues lying on the floor at my feet.
I want you to understand,
I had myself a really good cry yesterday.

Yesterday, I cried,
for all the days that I was too busy,
or too tired, or too mad to cry.
I cried for all the days, and all the ways,
and all the times I had dishonored, disrespected,
and disconnected my Self from myself,
only to have it reflected back to me in the ways others
did to me the same things I had already done to myself.
I cried for all the things I had given, only to have them stolen;
for all the things I had asked for that had yet to show up;
for all the things I had accomplished, only to give them away,
to people in circumstances, which left me feeling empty,
and battered and plain old used.
I cried because there really does come a time when
the only thing left for you to do is cry.

Yesterday, I cried.
I cried because little boys get left by their daddies;
and little girls get forgotten by their mommies;
and daddies don't know what to do, so they leave;
and mommies get left, so they get mad.
I cried because I had a little boy,
and because I was a little girl,
and because I was a mommy who didn't know what to do,
and because I wanted my daddy to be there so badly until I ached.

Yesterday, I cried.
I cried because I hurt. I cried because I was hurt.
I cried because hurt has no place to go
except deeper into the pain that caused it in the first place,
and when it gets there, the hurt wakes you up.
I cried because it was too late.
I cried because it was time.
I cried because my soul knew that I didn't know
that my soul knew everything that I needed to know.
I cried a soulful cry yesterday, and it felt so good.
It felt so very, very bad.
In the midst of my crying,
I felt my freedom coming,

Yesterday, I cried
with an agenda.

-Iyanla Vanzant


ssinca said...

chocolate really does make everything better! hope all is ok. ;(

dapotato said...

everything ssinca said.

and a good, cathartic cry is the best. and yay for boys that get that they don't get it and just let you...and then make you dinner. :)

sherthebear said...

I have totally had those days. chocolate really does help :). Good for your man being there for you, sometimes they don't understand. As I tell my DH, he doesn't need to understand he just has to be there and let me be me. Hope today is a better day.

Anonymous said...

Thank you for sharing. That is a beautiful moving piece that I have read before but it is amazing how circumstance changes the way you relate to what you read/see/hear/experience. I really needed that and I hope that your expressing it has helped you move forward, or in any direction, too.

WeezerMonkey said...


Erika said...

I'm there with you babe....

although it was last night when i was crying and i DID cry with an agenda and i had the dream to confirm it.

YAY for the grilled chesse and chocolate!!

Discombobulated said...

I'm sorry :(
Although I am not glad you were sad, I am glad that you let alot of it out.
I hope today has been better for you.

Crazy Daisy said...

Wow. That piece is amazing. Thank you for sharing! Sometimes what we need is a good cry. and grilled cheese. :)

amber said...

what a beautiful piece.

sometimes you really do need to just have a good cry. i hope you're feeling better.