I still need some good mood stabilizers! It's been quite a few years since I've been this emotional. I go from feeling happy to hopeless within a few minutes sometimes. I feel very alienated and estranged from the old me. I wish that I could just relax and enjoy what I know is this very special time. Unfortunately, there is too much to do and not enough hours in the day. I'm still not sleeping well and am still feeling like a zombie for much of the day. I guess I'm getting tired of making all the decisions. It's funny how everyone looks to the bride for the decision-making, and I am tired of having that responsibility.
I know, I know. Cry me a river, right? I think I would be much more positive if I were sleeping better. It's amazing what a good night's sleep will do for one's attitude. Tomorrow I fully intend on at least acting happier and looking fresh. It's my work shower, and we're having a taco bar, along with ice cream, cookies, etc. Roy is even coming to meet the whole department. I'm excited. The pre-wedding parties make it all worthwhile. I mean, they make me remember what this is all about. It's so easy to get bogged down in the details. I do think that details are important, especially with an event like a wedding. A wedding should reflect the couple and their values, not be some cookie-cutter mold. I have obsessively tried to make this wedding reflect us, and I get frustrated when others don't cooperate. I shouldn't stress out over things I can't control, but right now, I still do have a measure of control. Once the wedding day gets here, it's out of my hands.
Speaking of that, I feel both extremely ready for the day to be here and at the same time I feel like I need more time. It is a strange, ambivalent road I'm on.