Post full o' pics!

Everybody Else's Girl: My Love Affair with the Music of Tori Amos

When I was 15, I discovered the wonder that is Tori Amos. I hung around with my friends (who were sisters) Katie and Bonnie much of the time that year. One afternoon I came over to their house, walked into Katie's room, and heard this mysterious, magical, and very sad melody playing on her tape player. I was intrigued and discovered that it was the "God" single. Eventually I ended up buying the "God" single on CD, but to my dismay, the song I heard in Katie's room wasn't on it. It ended up being on another single (but I can't remember which one at the moment). Finally, I learned the name of the haunting song that served as my introduction to Tori Amos: "Sister Janet". I was 15 years old, and I fell head over heels with the music of Tori Amos.

I bought Little Earthquakes, her first album after the failure of her first artistic venture, Y Kant Tori Read. I listened to Little Earthquakes over and over. I was completely taken by her voice and the music, but I didn't really pay much attention to the meaning of the lyrics. Eventually I knew them all by heart, although I don't think I really understood what they meant to me until after I graduated from high school.

When I was 19, I went to my first Tori Amos concert (and my first concert ever, actually). It was in Austin, Texas, at The Backyard, and Tori was promoting her From the Choirgirl Hotel album (which is one of my all-time favorite albums). It was a completely amazing experience and a turning point in how I began to process her music. From that point on, I became a genuine Toriphile (or Ears with Feet, as Tori calls her fans).

Tori's music saw me through many dark days during my very angsty late teens/early 20s. She was able to put in words what I could not express. I felt she had written her songs with me in mind, and I felt so very close to her. (I know that sounds creepy, but rest assured, I wasn't a stalker or anything. I was just a really troubled woman-child who needed a hero.) I went to see her live 6 more times, sometimes with just her and her piano, sometimes with the band, sometimes with part of the band. Each time I saw her live was a magical experience. She was (and I'm sure she still is) an amazing performer.

I'm not sure what happened after that. Right around the years of 2001-2003, Tori's music began to go in a different direction. In my opinion, it became much more underdeveloped, so listening to it didn't really do anything for me anymore. I was sort of disappointed in her for not creating the complex music that she had once produced. I stopped buying/downloading her albums after Scarlet's Walk failed to really hold my attention. I haven't seen her live since 2002 or 2003.

But I still count myself a loyal fan, as I still love her older music and consider her as one of my favorite musical artists. I still think she is amazing, brave, beautiful, and heroic, even though I may not agree with some of her creative choices. As a matter of fact, I respect her that much more for always trying new things instead of continuing to produce the same thing over and over. Her music will always hold a very special place in my heart, because to forget her is to deny a huge part of my past. Watching her music evolve has been as rewarding as watching myself grow and change.

She's been everybody else's girl
Maybe one day she'll be her own
-Tori Amos, "Girl"

I'd say she's already there. And so am I. Thanks, Tori, for seeing me through.

*****

Here's the video for one of my favorite Tori Amos songs, "Hey Jupiter":

Last Weekend of Freedom

It had to happen eventually. School begins again tomorrow, and I have a heavier load this quarter. The good news is I'm going to begin work on my thesis proposal. The bad news is I'm going to be pretty busy with school, work, and just life in general for the next 10 weeks. I'm already looking forward to Spring Break! With all this in mind, I planned a fun weekend with my husband and homies and managed to get my mind off some things that have had me really stressed out.

Yesterday Roy, Myra, and I drove out to LA to see the Dali exhibit at LACMA and the Murakami exhibit at MOCA. Unfortunately, the Dali exhibit was sold out, so we trucked over to MOCA for the Murakami exhibit. I wasn't familiar with Murakami's work until yesterday. I enjoyed it very much. While I can't say that he is one of my favorites, I find his subject matter very interesting, disturbing, and funny. Cameras were not allowed into the Murakami exhibit, so this one (which was one of my favorites) will have to do.



Afterwards, we had dinner at a Japanese restaurant nearby, which I enjoyed. We took a nice walk around our neighborhood once we got home. (I'm pretty sure that as I age, I will look back on these walks we take with a great deal of fondness and nostalgia. I'll remember how young we were and how we loved to take these walks and talk about the future.)

Today I met Kim for lunch at El Torito. We sat in the bar, ingested mass quantities of margaritas and chips and salsa, and gabbed. Afterwards we made a quick stop at Border's just to browse. We then walked over to the movie theatre for our mini IE Nest GTG (get together) to see Juno. In addition to Kim and me, Melinda, Angelina, and Amy were there. I enjoyed the movie very much, although it won't be going on my Most Favoritest Movies List. (Probably because I would never use the word "favoritest.") In all seriousness, it was a cute movie, and I would maybe buy it on DVD. It had a nice feel and mood to it that many American movies are missing, in my opinion.

Afterwards, I came home and have been doing random things ever since to prepare for tomorrow. I've been meaning to import my pictures from my camera to post some of the self-proclaimed cool ones I've taken, but alas, I am far too lazy at this moment.

I am really hoping that this next quarter just flies by. I am also hoping that I remain motivated enough to keep up my GPA. I've come this far, so I just need to keep on truckin'. Burnout truly sucks.

2 Month Update: 101 in 1001

It's time for the second installment of what I've accomplished on my 101 in 1001 list!

1) Obtain a decent SLR camera and learn to use it. I received my SLR camera on Christmas Day, and while I haven't mastered it, I've learned it enough to take some really cool pictures.

47) Get rid of my bridal magazines. I was more than happy to see them go to Mandy once she got engaged on Christmas Eve.

53) Get Roy a new car. I never thought I would be crossing this one off my list so fast, but on December 15, that's exactly what I did.

72) Try some kind of food item that truly scares me. On December 26, I tried stuffed grape leaves at a Middle Eastern restaurant. That was a huge step for me, and one I won't be taking again - I seriously felt like I was going to vomit.

77) Get the Twin Peaks DVD box set. This was a Christmas gift from my mom. Very exciting!

81) Give food (not money) to a homeless person. I was finally successful with this one on December 5. I saw a homeless man on the same freeway offramp as the one before, but this time I was able to give someone less fortunate a couple of slices of pizza. This is one that I plan on repeating, by the way.

99) Buy a shoe rack for Roy. Bought on December 17 and given on Christmas Day. I really like it. It's one of those that hangs on the door. Roy doesn't have enough shoes to fill it, so I'm helping by adding some of mine. I'm such a great wife!

*****

Only 88 things to go!

Worm Trippin'

This playlist was created playlist for my mini-roadtrip with Melinda to see Kim. I called it "Worm Trippin'" as an homage to Melinda, who's about worm-height. We didn't really get to actually listen to the music because of the yak factor. But I still think it's a cool playlist and have been listening to it quite often since. It's got some songs that make me want to dance, some songs that make me want to cry, some songs that make me think, some songs that make me go "WTF?!", and everything else in between. So it's a lot like life. (It's listed in alphabetical order here. I always have my iPod on shuffle mode, so the order is always different when I'm listening to it.)

Hyper links to random videos featuring each song are provided for your convenience!

1) "Celebration Guns" - Stars
2) "Excess" - Tricky
3) "Exhibit 13 - Mandelbrot, No. 4" - Blue Man Group
4) "Gimme More" - Britney Spears
5) "I'm Not Gonna Teach Your Boyfriend How to Dance with You" - Black Kids
6) "I Was Married" - Tegan and Sara
7) "Into the Fire" - Thirteen Senses
8) "It's Gonna Be (Alright)" - Ween
9) "Kill, Kill, Kill" - The Pierces
10) "Life's a Song" - Patrick Park
11) "Lights On" - The Pierces
12) "Like O, Like H" - Tegan and Sara
13) "Like Spinning Plates (Live)" - Radiohead
14) "Lose Yourself" - Eminem
15) "The Night Starts Here" - Stars
16) "Rebirth of Slick (Cool Like Dat)" - Digable Planets
17) "Sad Eyes" - Josh Rouse
18) "Secret" - The Pierces
19) "Shake Hands with Beef" - Primus
20) "She's the One" - Robbie Williams
21) "Somewhere Over the Rainbow" - Israel Kamakawiwo'ole
22) "Soul Meets Body" - Death Cab for Cutie
23) "Sugar" - Tori Amos
24) "This Fine Social Scene" - Zero 7
25) "This Is Such a Pity" - Weezer
26) "Time" - Tom Waits
27) "Very Loud" - Shout Out Louds
28) "Whistling In The Dark" - They Might Be Giants
29) "Why Does It Always Rain on Me?" - Travis
30) "Word Up" - Willis

New Links!

Yesterday at work I updated my sidebar (is that what it's called?) with a ton of new blog links and a whole new section! I actually read more blogs than that, but these are the ones I enjoy the most.

Funny, but yesterday at work, I was feeling very troubled, and organizing all my links made me feel much better. I wish I could say that I'm feeling better this morning, but to be quite honest, I'm still feeling really negative. And tired. Let's not forget how tired I am.

Even so, I hope to have my first Music Month post up later today.

For a moment, it's all so very clear.

Do you ever have those moments where you can see yourself with perfect clarity?

Today was one of those days. It was truly the most horrid day I've had in quite some time, but strangely, nothing significant happened. It was just another day where I rolled out of bed (late, as usual) went to work (late, as usual) and did next to nothing all day (as usual), and came home and did my normal random things.

On the other hand, something amazingly significant happened today. I was granted the ability to see all my flaws with perfect vision.

I actually consider myself a very self-aware person. I am probably too self-aware. I have always known what my flaws are and am usually very good about owning up to them. My philosophy is that no one can hurt me by pointing out my weak points, because I know myself much better and can hurt myself so much more. It's a defense mechanism. And while it's admirable to have insight into one's motivations and character, it also feels like complete bullshit sometimes.

There are just some flaws that I don't want to own up to. There are some flaws that I'm truly ashamed to have. I'm afraid to admit to them because I'm truly scared that they make me a bad person. And I have never wanted to be a bad person. I've always tried to do my best and be my best.

In the distant past, I had those days where I didn't like myself at all. For the past few years, I'm not sure if I've had a single one of those days. Sure, I always have doubts about whether I could have handled something better or whatnot, but I've usually been able to like myself despite my failings.

I realize that this is all very cryptic, but I don't really know how to describe what it is I'm experiencing at the moment. Let's just say that I feel really weak, sad, scared, and on the verge of a major existential crisis. There are times when I don't know what I'm doing, and this is one of those times.

Tonight my flaws feel incredibly deep. And when I look in the mirror, I see someone that is a stranger. I'm not sure if I can be friends with her.

I'm hoping that when I wake up tomorrow, I will feel differently. Maybe this is all a product of being tired.

God, I hope so.

Happy 2008!

It's 2008! I have a feeling that this will be another good year.

I spent New Year's Eve at work but left early because I was bored out of my skull. Once I got home, I immediately went outside with my camera so I could take advantage of the remaining light. I basically shot a few random things around my house and neighborhood. Here are a few shots that I like (again, nothing special - just me getting to know the camera):




Roy and I spent the evening at Mandy and Paul's. We cooked dinner there, played games, watched some TV, drank some mermosas, and just hung out. Mandy and I also began discussing details about their wedding. I'm going to be helping her and Paul since I've been down this road before. Oh, and I took some pictures of Cerby, who is very photogenic.



The best part of the evening? Mandy asked me to be her HOH. Actually, Paul said something about my being Mandy's ho, which opened the door to Mandy asking me if I wanted to be her Hausfrau of Honor in her wedding. Of course, I said yes (and of course, I teared up when she asked)! I like the sound of being a HOH much better than "Matron of Honor." Yucky.

Today we all went out to Mormon Rock with our friends Amy and Laura to commune with nature, but we didn't stay very long. Mandy and I didn't do any climbing. I have a case of vertigo that likes to freak me out. So I took some pics instead, which I was more than happy to do.



After some random stops (in Wrightwood and at Pine Creek Gardens) we ended up back at Mandy and Paul's and watched Sideways. Now we are home, and I am dreading work tomorrow. Let's hope that 2008 brings me some job fulfillment!

I've decided that I'm going to try to keep up with writing on a theme each month. I think I'll focus on music for January. Stay tuned! (Cheesy pun totally intended.)

Memory Month: 2007 - The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly

I can't believe that 2007 is almost over! I say that at the end of every year, but this year is particularly close to my heart - I'm almost afraid to see it go. It has been truly amazing and full of so many ups and downs. Here is my year in review:


The Good

1) I got married! It's true what they say - it was the most amazing day of my life. But it's also true that it doesn't all go downhill from there. In fact, my love for Roy has grown so much since our wedding day. Our relationship has matured in a way that amazes me (not that our relationship was immature before or anything). I truly can't wait to see what the future has in store for us.

2) I found out who my friends are. I have built some incredible friendships this year. Having Mandy as my woman of honor in my wedding really strengthened our bond. Having Melinda and Kim to talk to about wedding/marriage/life ups and downs (not to mention the antics of really stupid people that we all so love making fun of) really drove home the point that people you meet online can turn into awesome friends. Working with Myra on a daily basis showed me that you really can meet the coolest people in the most unlikely places. Of course, along with these newer friendships, there are still my old friends, who I see less often or never at all: Candice, Genevee, Lynn, Laci, and Amanda. And who could forget all the girls that I hang out with online on a regular basis? (Exceptions abound in the online department, because let's face it - some of those bitches on the Nest/the Knot are crazy. Or stupid. Or both.)



3) I caught the dreaded baby fever. Worse things could happen, I'm sure. Acknowledging this desire of mine as something that I'm finally ready for has been confusing. Having children has always been something that I felt was better reserved for the future. It is so weird knowing that the future is finally here. Well, sort of.

4) I became a part of the blogosphere. Although I kept a blog on MySpace prior to my blog here, that doesn't really count. I can't believe the sheer volume of interesting blogs out there - I'm so glad I switched and was able to join the network.

5) I wrote a decent poem and many good blog posts. Writing is still one of the main things that centers me and defines who I am.

6) I read a whole lot of books, most of which were good. Reading is so important to me, and despite how busy and chaotic this year was, I'm glad I was able to take the time to read some books.

7) We got a new car. And it's awesome. Neither one of us will be needing a new car anytime soon.

8) I became part of a new family. I am so lucky to have 2 California mommies that I adore, a sister-in-law who I consider my friend, a brother-in-law who tolerates me, and my adorable nephews and niece.

9) I quit smoking. After 10+ years of smoking, I finally quit - and this time I feel it's for good. It was truly one of the best things I've ever done for myself, especially because it was not easy. I managed to quit cold turkey in March, in the middle of planning a wedding and finishing up finals week. I'm very proud of myself.

10) I realized, like never before, that it's the people in your life who make it what it is. I really used to keep myself at a distance from others. I had major trust issues. I still have them, but I'm learning not to let them get in the way of forming important relationships. I would be lost without the people I love. I didn't really realize this until I got married. Something in me changed that day (and in the days and months leading up to it). I realized that we are all connected and that it was meant to be that way - because human beings need each other.


The Bad

1) Roy got into a car accident. I am so relieved that he didn't get hurt. That would have been so awful.

2) I didn't get the job I wanted (which still really bugs me). I'm still trying to find another job. So far, no luck. There's a possiblity within my own department, but that's a whole other story.

3) My current job has made me apathetic and lazy. This is something that needs to change. I'm not sure if it's my attitude that needs adjusting or if I need an actual job change.

4) I'm suffering from burnout in regards to school. I really want to finish, but I can't make myself care as much as I used to. I used to be a big-time overachiever and highly motivated. I am still a good student, but not as good as I used to be.

5) I cried. A lot. I have cried while watching Scrubs, Gilmore Girls, My Name is Earl, and trailers for upcoming movies. I have sobbed over videography, photography, and flowers. I have wept over the loss of a friendship and the deaths of those I've never even met. This penchant for tears, while embarassing, is something I'm grateful for, because it's how I express my sorrow, frustration, and happiness.


The Ugly

1) I found out who my friends are. Turns out that my friend of 20+ years and I aren't really connecting anymore (which I knew way before this year). In a moment of extreme sadness, when I realized that she wasn't coming to my wedding and didn't think anything of it, I told her how disappointed I was. She called it a guilt trip. I called it honesty. We haven't spoken since - and maybe it's for the best. I still think of her often, but we have really grown apart. It sucks, but it happens.

2) People died. So many good people left this life in 2007, as people do every year. Some of them were brave enough to share their battles with the world through their blogs, and I think they are incredible. As depressing as it may be, I'm going to be adding a section onto my sidebar for those who have passed on and left their wisdom behind. It's really the least I can do to honor them and to raise awareness of the diseases that killed them.

*****

As you can see, it was one hell of a year. So sorry to see you go, 2007. Bring it on, 2008!

Memory Month: How We Met Our Woogas

Who: me and Roy/Roy and I
What: looking for fish to fill the fishtank that we got for Christmas
When: New Years Eve 2005, approximately 6 PM
Where: Petsmart

You know how it goes. Once a girl goes into the puppy or kitten section of any store, you'd have to pry her away. Such was the case with me when I met Roy at Petsmart on New Year's Eve 2005 to buy some fish for our new fishtank. I beat him there (I had been working) and went to go look at the kittens to kill time. It was truly a good thing.

After Roy showed up, I brought him back to the room full of kittens in cages, because he's a fan of all things cute too. The Humane Society woman was struggling with a tiny grey tabby kitten who had just escaped from its cage - and that's how we met Ashe, who we adopted that night. (I admit it, I totally begged. Thankfully, I didn't have to beg much, because Roy loved her just as much.) She was sooooo cute. What's funny is that at the time we thought Ashe was a boy, because the Humane Society lady told us she was. (We figured out the truth when we took "him" in to get neutered a couple of months later.)



Anyway, Woogas was about 3 months old at the time we adopted her, and she was on Death Row at the pound when the Humane Society rescued her. She had a leaky eye, which is due to a virus and still flares up from time to time even now. But still, we fell in love with our little bundle of joy and took her home with us to stay forever.



Woogas and I have grown to be very close over the 2 years that we've been part of each other's lives. She absolutely loves for me to hold her (when she's in the mood, of course - as sweet as she is, she's still a total biatch), but only when I'm standing up and walking around. She will follow me from room to room around the house. She literally gripes at me when she's hungry or wants attention. She will lick my face and rub her face on mine. I love her to pieces and am so glad that we found her and took her home that night.



Happy 2 year anniversary, Woogas! (Don't ask me how I came up with the name "Woogas." I really can't remember. But it somehow suits her better than "Ashe.")

A Very California Christmas

I must confess, I have been really lazy with my blogging lately. Even so, I think my first California Christmas still deserves a blog post. So here goes...

On Christmas Eve, Roy and I walked down to Mandy and Paul's house to spend the evening there. We weren't there for long because we found out that Mandy and Paul got engaged earlier that evening. Apparently they went for a walk up Mt. Rubidoux and he popped the question with a huge, obviously fake diamond ring (that was actually big enough to be a bracelet if you have really skinny arms). Paul has been working on designing Mandy's ring for quite some time now, but it's still not ready (hence, the gigantic ring). Mandy had dropped plenty of hints that she was totally ready to get married and would have said "yes" to an onion ring (her words), so Paul bit the bullet and proposed.

Naturally, Mandy was all excited and ready to collect the bridal magazines and books that I'd been hanging onto just for her, so she and I walked back to our house and picked them up. (I am so glad to be rid of those things!) We then walked back to their house and spent the evening watching Home Alone, eating pizza and cookies, and talking about wedding stuff. Patty, Cherie, my brother-in-law Jake, and my niece and nephews were all there as well.

Here's a pic of the kids (from left to right - Merlin, Gwen, and Noah):

I captured this picture of Cerby early on in the evening. Obviously, he ranks high on the cuteness scale.

Roy and I went home and crashed. We woke up at 6 AM on Christmas morning and opened our gifts. Even Kerwin and Woogas got gifts! I was so happy that he got me the camera I'd been wanting! After we were all done, we left the living room floor covered in wrapping paper and walked over to my mother-in-law's house to witness our nephews and niece opening presents. They got so much stuff! I don't think I ever got that much stuff as a kid. They each got a new bike, clothes, and toys. Each of the boys got a new skateboard, and my niece got a new scooter.

Here they are, waiting anxiously for presents:

I just love this picture of Merlin. It's the epitome of childhood Christmas magic.

Later on, we went over to Roy's grandparents' house for lunch and afternoon family catching-up. One of Roy's cousins also got engaged (on Halloween), and another set of cousins are expecting their third child. So it looks like the family's going to be expanding in a big way in 2008! We did our Secret Santa gift exchange, and that's when I got my beloved Photoshop from Patty. I had drawn Jake's name, so I wrapped up some cash in a box, which was then placed in a larger box, which was placed in an even larger box, which was placed in a bag. Yeah, I'm a brat, but I've always wanted to do that!

I spent much of the day taking pictures with my new camera. It is so awesome. I can't believe the difference in quality from my point-and-shoot. Here are some of my favorite pics that I took. They're not all that special, but they would have been impossible to take with my other camera.






Anyway, we left a few hours later and went home. Mandy, Paul, and Patty ended up coming over that night and staying for several hours so Mandy could move her iTunes library from Roy's computer to her laptop. What started out as a relatively simple (but lengthy) procedure ended up being very complicated, and it took much longer than expected. Once they left, we called it a night, as we were both really tired by that point. And the next day, we got up and went to work. Boooooo.

I really enjoyed my first married Christmas here in the lovely state of California. It was such a relief not to have to travel in the Christmas chaos. I did miss my family, but I think it's important that Roy and I have our own traditions as well as try to spend this very important holiday with his family as well.

Happy Holidays!