Celebrating Me

I started this post awhile back and am just now getting around to finishing it. Normally, I'd just let it go, but since it was my birthday weekend (June 6-8), I figured it's worth writing about.

Anyway, my birthday weekend had all the elements I wanted: fun, friends, family, and relaxation. It was also a wonderful way to kick off summer, which hadn't officially started yet, but I was pretending it was.

Friday:

Work as usual. My friend Jessica bought me a present (some candy, sunscreen, a candle, and a beautiful card) in this lovely blue bag:



Crazy Daisy featured me on her blog in a weekly meme she's doing called Pay It Forward Friday. She had some very nice things to say about me, which made a good pre-birthday gift for me. Thank you, Crazy Daisy!

A group of us went out to lunch at the Gourmet Pizza Shoppe. I took a few pictures with my point and shoot, but they are really bad quality due to the fact that I had to use the flash. I'm too lazy to edit them. So, here you are: really bad pictures of some of my unnameable homies from work.



After lunch, I got some bad news. I found out that the graduate committee had not passed my thesis proposal. Naturally, this did not make me very happy and thus warrants a hopefully short tangent.

Begin tangent.

Hearing the news that my thesis proposal needs revision really kind of blew me away. Yes, I did not put a lot of effort into it this past quarter, but a lot of work went into it in the quarter before. I am very disappointed in myself for not working on it continuously throughout the quarter, because by the time I submitted it to my readers, they only had a short time with it before they had to let me know whether or not it could be sent up to the committee.

However, I am trying to be too hard on myself, because I busted my ass each and every day this quarter in my internship and fairy tales class. It's not like I was just being a lazy mofo. I was giving 150% to other things, which caused me to neglect my proposal. And to be honest, my proposal was good. It really was. From what I understand, the committee wants me to approach my subject in a different way. And well, no amount of good writing can make up for the fact that I'm not a mind reader.

The worst part? Because of this, I will not be able to resubmit my proposal until the fall. (The committee doesn't meet during the summer.) That means that I won't graduate in December. This has been very hard for me to accept. A week and a half later, I am finally beginning to come to terms with it. But I won't lie - it's upsetting.

End tangent.

After work, I went to get a massage. My back, neck, and shoulders had been giving me issues all week, so I called up my massage therapist Reuven and had him fit me in. I hadn't been to see Reuven since the day before my wedding (almost a year ago), so it was good to catch up with him. I am supposed to get monthly massages because I have a mild case of scoliosis, but as insurance does not cover it, sometimes I have to skip them.

As usual, the massage was wonderful, and I drove home feeling all wiggly.

A little later on, Roy walked me to Mandy's for a night of Bunco. Bunco is this really fun dice game, and Mandy is a member of a couple of Bunco groups. She was hosting the get-together for the month of June and needed a replacement. That's where I came in.

The theme of the get-together was "The Honeymoon's Over," pretty appropriate considering Mandy's recent wedding. Mandy served "moldy" wedding cake for dessert and put pimple cream on her face. This photo whore took a lot of detail shots:








But once the game started, I put down the camera and joined the party. I had forgotten how loud and screechy a big group of women can be, but it was screechiness I enjoyed. I had a really great time playing. I even won a prize for being the second highest scorer!

Paul and Mandy walked me home after the game was over. Roy had gone out for the evening but returned soon after me with a bag full of birthday goodies. It was about 11:00 PM, so I was able to rationalize opening my gifts before my actual birthday.

I was absolutely thrilled to see that Roy had bought me a new iPod. My old iPod was a third generation dinosaur that hadn't held a charge on its own in a couple of years. Now I have a brand spanking new 80GB iPod classic that I have named Silver Bullet. Silver Bullet and I are already great friends.




Saturday (my birthday!)

We woke up early (as usual) and went to the Farmer's Market with Mandy and Paul later on that morning.



I found a cool box from 1955 at an antique shop nearby.



After we were done, we went to Mandy and Paul's to see the dog they found.



Our original plans for the day were to spend the afternoon at the Huntington Gardens, but as we had plans for that night, we decided to stay local. I had developed a headache, so I spent the afternoon resting and watching our recent Netflix acquisitions.

Later that night, we all (me, Roy, Mandy, Paul, and Jake) piled into my mother-in-law's van and drove out to Orange County for murder mystery dinner theatre. I have been wanting to go to one of these events for quite awhile. It was loads of fun. On the way there, this was our soundtrack. (Just click it. You won't be sorry.)

We hung out in the bar for awhile before they let us into the dining area.



I noticed this man's very interesting hairdo.



I didn't take many good pictures during the dinner production. I was preoccupied with all that was going on, but here are a few shots (including the best one I got of one of the cast members):




All in all, I really enjoyed the performance and would recommend that others go and enjoy themselves. The dinner was good, too, but they piled all of the food together, which made me kind of lose my appetite. (Food phobias will do that to a person.) It was a really great way to celebrate my birthday, though. We even got to take a picture with the cast members.



I already have forgotten what we did on Sunday, but I seem to recall that it involved my being very, very lazy.

So that was my birthday weekend. It was a really great time - and a wonderful way to ring in the last year of my 20s.

i believe in magic

Yesterday I entered this giveaway over at today is pretty. I never win when I enter these things, but if I like what the person hosting the giveaway has to offer, then I'll enter.

To my surprise, I won! And I won the photo I wanted, too!



Pretty, huh? It's called "i believe in magic."

Speaking of giveaways, Shutterfly has offered me a free photo book, but I have to redeem the coupon by next Tuesday. What pictures should I put in the photo book? Honeymoon pictures? Pictures of our first year of marriage? Mandy's wedding? My favorite photos from the year that I've taken? I can't really decide, so help me out here.

A Night in Old San Antonio

I spent approximately 25 hours this past weekend in San Antonio with my mom and uncle. It was a very short, very expensive trip - and totally worth every penny.

Some highlights:

seeing the earth from above


spending time with my uncle (blurry)


the houses in downtown San Antonio


finding pieces of my past


going to my favorite bookstore


yummy Mexican food at a restaurant with very cool bathroom doors


making fun of Kitten, who has an abnormally large bottom lip (blurry)


spending time with Buster


communing with nature


hanging out with my mom (wow, I am fat)


eating belated birthday cupcakes (blurry)


art objects in my uncle's house


my uncle's house


eating Whataburger again


buying my uncle a stuffed duck named Chuckles


geting a killer night's sleep


taking a photo of my mom and her two (living) brothers


little fuzzy creatures


It was a good weekend.

i heart youtube, volume eight

Here are my random favorite videos of the week from people in my everyday life.

Office worker goes insane:




Baby's "Hips Don't Lie":




Robot Chicken Star Wars:

Our Last Monthiversary

Today we've been married 11 months.

This is not our last monthiversary, but it's probably the last one I'll write about on here. Soon it'll be our one year anniversary of being married, and it seems a bit silly to keep up the monthiversary tradition past the first year mark. What I'd like to do instead is celebrate our marriage every single day by doing simple things like saying "I love you" daily. It's often the little things that really add up and count the most. We have always been good at both the little and big things, and as the months and years go by, celebrating and respecting our union, I feel, will be what will hold us together...forever.

Oddly, I used to not believe in forever. I thought it was a silly concept, but it just goes to show that people can and should challenge your assumptions. I love how life has always managed to surprise me - one of the greatest surprises has been Roy. Imagine such a kind-hearted, gentle soul like Roy loving a neurotic obsessive like me. It's really wonderful to be married to someone who embraces all of my qualities. It's the best feeling ever, actually. And I am the luckiest person in the world, not just because I am married to Roy, but because I married into his family who has always accepted me as one of them.

Sadly, this weekend I am out of state visiting my mom and uncle, and Roy stayed home due to the high cost of airfare. But even though we are apart today, I am still celebrating us. My vow is to always celebrate us.

I love you, hubsand. Forever.

Beans, Beans, the magical fruit

Today was my friend and co-worker Beans' last day of work. He got a job up in San Jose making a ton more money. I know that this is a wonderful opportunity for him, especially because he loves Northern California. Many, many people will miss him, because he is a wonderful guy to work with. He is also the coolest attorney I've ever met. Naturally, we couldn't let him leave without saying good-bye.

Last night we all went out to a local martini bar and had a few drinks. I ordered some nasty nachos. Beans got a horse figurine as a gift from our friend Kathleen (my Southern soul sister). (The third picture is of me, Jessica, and Beans. It looks like I just jumped in the picture to screw it up, which may or may not have happened.)



Today Beans, Kathleen, and I went out to this cool BBQ place for lunch and had some of the best BBQ I've ever had. There was some pretty cool artwork on the walls.



Then we had a pie party, complete with six kinds of pie, back at work. We took many photos. Beans and I enjoyed acting like we were pregnant.



Beans left some of his cool stuff for me: his stuffed squirrel, a Van Gogh print, and his "complete and utter bullshit" stamp.



I went to Bean' house after work to take a few things off his hands. Roy and Jake came along to exercise their manliness. Beans' manliness is the only one that got documented, though.



Seeing Beans leave is very similar to the feelings I had when Myra left. Myra's departure hit me on a more personal level, and while I consider Beans my friend, his leaving will really affect my professional life. From the day I started at my job, Beans took me under his wing. He has always taken care to explain legal things to me, while offering me the gift of his friendship. The best thing about my professional relationship with Beans is that he has always backed me up and been on my side. I have learned so much from him, and I am really grateful to have met him.

The thing I will probably miss most is the fact that Beans lets me talk crap to him and will give it back occasionally. I love it when someone engages in banter with me, and I am really going to miss that, dammit.

I am going to miss Beans' gigantic hair too.



All my work people are dropping like flies, man. It's a definite sign that I need to move on.

Double Exposure #7

Yay, it's Friday! I've been meaning to write; I have so much to say. But for now, here's the two blogs of the week that I want to share.

1) Matt, Liz, and Madeline chronicles the lives of a family unexpectedly ripped apart when Liz (the mother) died of a pulmonary embolism 27 hours after giving birth to her daughter Madeline. Written by Matt (Liz's husband and Madeline's father), this blog is one of the most powerful I have come across in quite some time.



2) What happens when you take Garfield out of the picture? You get Garfield minus Garfield...and a very disturbed Jon Arbuckle.



Happy Friday, everyone! I'll be gone this weekend but have a couple of posts scheduled for tomorrow. I still need to finish blogging about last weekend and will try to get to that tonight.

What's that noise?

It's me. Screaming with joy.

School's out.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Human's Best Friend

Mandy and Paul found a lost dog in the neighborhood a couple of nights ago. She is probably less than a year old and is honestly one of the sweetest dogs I've ever met. They would love to keep her, but their dog doesn't get along with other dogs. We would love to take her, but we just don't have the space for her. Any Southern California people looking for a very sweet and beautiful puppy? We would love to find her a good home.

If you are interested, send me an email at leslie@bugweb.net.

i heart youtube, volume seven (birthday edition!)

Hi, everyone! In celebration of my 29th birthday, here are three of my all-time favorite videos.



If you haven't seen these next two before, you have to watch them in the order I've posted them.





In case you're wondering, and I know you're probably not, I am not really blogging on my birthday. I'm scheduling these posts ahead of time. Scheduling posts = probably one of the greatest inventions ever.

29

Twenty-nine years ago today at 9:55 AM, I was born.

I really can't believe it's the last year of my 20s. My life so far seems to have sailed by. Sometimes I feel I have little to show for the time I've been alive, but I know that's not really true. I have a husband, family, friends, education, passions, and a whole lot of books and Post-its. I am already feeling a sense of mourning for my 20s, but I know that life after this decade has a lot of good things in store for me.

I wrote a little something in honor of my birthday and the way in which I've grown as a person. (Actually, I wrote it about a month ago, but I edited it with my birthday in mind.) Although it mentions marriage, the poem is not about Roy, but his influence is there, definitely. I've included a photo I took of his eye, just because it fits (in my muddled brain, anyway).

I'm proud of this poem (or I guess it's actually more of a prose poem). It's rare that I write anything worth sharing.


29

I see you from time to time in my dreams. You stand small, a faded photograph of my self. Sometimes I awake without you, and I feel like you might have never existed. You and I have parted silently, divided only by the frailty of time. But here you are again, my strange familiar.

You are unassuming and slight, weighing only 100 pounds. You exist in dark rooms and speak through sideways glances. You long to fade away, but with each year, your legacy becomes richer and harder to bear.

You are at once the gasp of my heartbeat and its flat thudding, the disillusioned eyes that regard me with wisdom. You are my empty hand, laying palm up. You are the other, full of water.

You are married to me, and I to you. You are the reason I chase authenticity and my justification for rejecting idealism. I am simultaneously afraid and alive because of you.

You are wonderful and quiet as you sit there in the corner, and even now I don’t really know what to do with you. I was never exactly kind to you. You always ate darkness for dinner, inhaled depression as you smoked, and slept fitfully through black nights. I could not understand your obsession with shame.

You, old relic, dig yourself up by night and leave the room smelling of spent cigarettes and blue perfume. Everything about you is blue. When I choose this color, I am choosing you. When I choose this color, I am forsaking you.

****

Happy birthday to me and all the other June 7 babies (like Prince, or whatever he's calling himself these days)!

Double Exposure #6

This week I've reacquainted myself with lorcal on flickr, because she's been posting some really amazing photos. I mean, wow.



Amazing, yes? I tend to think so. I would love to be as talented as her.

Paul Biddle is one of my favorite photographers of all time. His work is so different; it teeters on the edge of surrealism at times and definitely goes over that edge in other photos. I love his wild creativity; it gives me chills.



Good photography makes me happy. If it makes you just as happy, perhaps you should consider ordering this book and celebrating the art of Polaroid. The book's release is particularly timely with Polaroid's decision to not produce instant film anymore. Please go here to save Polaroid!



Happy Friday, everyone! And it's a very happy Friday, indeed, because this is the last full week of classes for this academic year. Another reason this is a very happy Friday is because I have a really great weekend planned. It will, of course, be tempered with the inevitable homework, but it's still going to be totally awesome.

I wish you all wonderful weekends.

On Teaching, Learning, and the Spaces in Between

I have school-related updates galore! As I'm writing this, I'm feeling sort of guilty because I need to be doing research, but whatever. Things need to be said, dammit! And because I am so long-winded, this is going to be one hell of a long entry.

For starters, I want to talk about my teaching day a week ago. Holy crap, I can't believe it's already been a week. Anyway, the big day began with my waking up at 4:30. Yes, 4:30. I wasn't nervous or anxious about the day ahead; I just had to pee. But once I was up, I couldn't fall asleep again. So I started the day on about four hours of sleep.

I went to work and stayed until 2:00. I was pretty useless for most of the day due to nervous energy and fatigue. I felt very prepared and centered. That's because I had an epiphany the day before about my anxiety. I realized all of a sudden that what was making me so anxious about teaching was the very real possibility of silence.

(Let's talk about silence, briefly. Ours is not a culture that appreciates silence, and we certainly don't know what to do with it - hence our tendency towards chit chat. Silence in the classroom is equally nerve-racking, especially after someone poses a question to the class and no one responds.)

I decided that I was not going to give into the anxiety and worry of dealing with silence. In fact, I decided that I would embrace the silence and take it as a sign that I should either reframe my questions or comments or just give the students more time to think and respond. Once I had this plan in mind, I immediately relaxed. I was shocked to realize that I was ready.

Once I got on campus, I did a crapload of running around, trying to get things with my thesis proposal tied up before the English department office closed for the day. I met with my second reader, tried to meet with my first reader but had to wait for about 30 minutes, got everything signed, got my letter of approval from my first reader, ran to the library to make copies, ran around the library getting cash so that I could buy a copy card so that I could make copies, ran back to my building, made six different packets of info for each grad committee member, ran upstairs to drop off said packets, bought a bag of Doritos, and then went to class to begin teaching.

Being as I had just turned in my thesis proposal (the product of two years of thinking), I was elated. I channelled that energy into class, and it worked - and I got tons of positive energy back from the students. We started class by workshopping the poetry of three different students. Before I knew it, we had blown effortlessly through all three poems and were ready to move on to the discussion of their final assignment and the reading I'd assigned. Again, we just sailed through the discussion of the assignment and the reading. And believe it or not, it was fun. I couldn't believe it. My professor had told me that I would have so much fun, but I didn't believe her. But she was right on the money. It was a blast.

The best thing? The exchange of ideas. Oh, this is what I love about college classes: that we all bring something different to the table and that it's all valuable. And the next best thing? Seeing in some students' eyes that I had reached them. Little ol' me! I made a difference - maybe not a huge one, but a difference nonetheless. It was thrilling. I almost wanted to cry. I have never felt that kind of wonderfully positive power.

I thought the day couldn't get any more amazing. And then I went to a reading hosted by our campus literary journal. I sat and listened to some amazing work by local authors, and all of it was so touching and funny and poignant and sad. During the reading I surveyed the room and experienced the distinct feeling that I was exactly where I should be, in the midst of all these beautiful words and this supportive community. Everything made sense.

That night, I couldn't sleep because I was that excited. And ever since then, I've been considering the unthinkable: me, a teacher. Yes, it could happen. But before then, there might be me, the MFA student. Yes, that could happen as well. It's all up in the air right now, and it's all really new, so I'm not sure what I'll decide on. But I will say this: it feels damn good to have options. And it is the most wonderful feeling to have achieved something that I didn't think I could do. I have felt a grander sense of purpose for the last week because of this experience.

But right now I remain in the trenches. My fairy tales professor vetoed my second idea for my research paper as well, so I sat down with her and figured out a workable topic. The bad news? I have to resubmit another abstract and annotated bibliography by tomorrow, and I haven't started either. Am I worried? Nope, because I know it'll get done. Am I irritated? Hell yes, but I will jump through these stupid hoops in order to keep my GPA up.

Today was the last day of my internship. Well, sort of. It was the last day of class, but I still have work to do. I'll be helping the professor review all of the students' process scrapbooks, and I still have to write a paper based on my internship experience. This internship has been a hell of a lot of work, but it has been so rewarding. The students in the class are nothing short of incredible. I can't believe how talented, smart, and insightful they are. They taught me so much, and I am so grateful to have had this experience. And I have gotten strangely attached to them. I am sad to see this class end, for real.

But I am happy to announce that my smart husband passed his comps and will be graduating this month with his Master's degree in Rehabilitation Counseling. Congratulations, behbehs! I am so very proud of you.

And if that wasn't enough news, tomorrow the graduate committee is meeting and will decide the fate of my thesis proposal. I really want it to pass so that I can get to work on the thesis over the summer. But even if it doesn't, I'll still be working on the thesis. Let's just say that I really want it to pass because I'll be slightly humiliated if it doesn't. Okay, really humiliated. So keep your fingers crossed for me. I think I'll find out the outcome in about a week.

Whew, that was a lot. Thanks for hanging in there. I'm glad I got that out; now I'm off to do tons of research.

a resounding hellz yeah!

Yes, we can. And yes, we did! Go, Obama!



I posted this video back on Super Tuesday, but it really needs to be posted again. It's just that awesome.

In other (non-political) news, guess who Mandy and I are going to see in October?



We rule. So, so excited.

In the Trenches

Well, after riding high for the past few days due to my awesome teaching experience, I am now back in the trenches after my fairy tales class last night.

I have tried to like this professor. Really, I have. Despite the fact that she began each class for probably the first half of the quarter by reading to us from some paper she wrote, I still hung in there, even though I had no idea what she was talking about or why she felt the need to read to us. Despite the fact that she assigned a 76-page story for us to read two days in advance (in addition to other reading), I still managed to complete the story (and the other reading). I even managed to read an entire novel while finishing a paper due on the same day, even while knowing that she had given us entirely too much work to do. Even though she's taken entirely too long getting most of our assignments back to us, I gave her a decent review on her evaluation form. After all, she's knowledgeable, nice, and even funny sometimes.

I'd like to redo my evaluation form now and tell everyone how much she sucks.

Last week I submitted an abstract for my term paper, a paper in which we are to focus on what really interests us (regarding fairy tales, naturally). I came up with the idea of exploring Sex and the City as a modern fairy tale and how the characters in the series do or do not fit the typical female fairy tale stereotype. It's the perfect paper topic for me, as I love exploring the unexplored.

But this paper obviously wasn't meant to be. Last night the professor handed back our abstracts, and I got a C and a veto of my paper topic. (!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) Okay, first of all, I don't get Cs. Secondly, I have never had a professor veto a paper topic.

I spoke with her after class, and apparently, since Sex and the City is not a literary text, I can't use it. Also, she said that we haven't made the jump from texts to film yet. (Really?! So the whole quarter when we were talking about Walt Disney's bastardizations of the fairy tale, we weren't talking about film?!) And lastly, she's concerned that there's very little scholarly analysis on this topic.

I just don't understand. As controlling as she's being with this topic now, she placed very few parameters on the paper topics when she handed out the assignment. Also, one thing we've been taught in our program is that everything is a text, and everything has its own language and set of meanings that can be analyzed (including film/TV). And isn't it a good thing that I didn't pick an old, tired topic? Yes, my Sex and the City topic is a stretch, but all my best papers have been based on stretches! I like stretching!

I am really irritated about this (obviously). Yes, I will pick another topic, but I will do it resentfully - especially because it will require me to do even more hours of research. The research I did for my first topic is obviously worthless.

Here's hoping for a happily ever after to this situation.

Another weekend gone....

...another entry in semi-list form. Here's what happened this weekend.

Friday:

Roy picked me up from work, and we went up to the campus for a dinner celebrating the graduates in his program. He recently took his comps and should hear back soon about how he did on them. If he passed, he graduates. No matter what the outcome is, I am so proud of him for sticking with his program and getting a job in his field.


Saturday:

went to the farmer's market

went with Mandy, Angelina, and Melinda to have some lunch and to see Sex and the City (Roy cleaned the house and worked on the laundry while I was gone, which made me very happy)

hung out at home and watched some episodes of Weeds and The Dead Zone

made brownies


Sunday:

slept in, took a nap later

hung out at home and watched more of the abovementioned TV shows

went to family dinner

booked airfare for summer trips (ouch)


Of course, as usual I managed to avoid doing a lot of my homework, but I'm done stressing about it at this point.

Just kidding. I'm never done stressing about it.

Summertime Manifesto

I know that summer isn't technically here yet, but I've already made a list of things I'd like to accomplish this summer. I am a huge fan of making lists - they make me incredibly happy.

This summer, I'd like to:

1) eat better and exercise and really keep it up instead of doing it for a week and then going back to my old habits

2) look for a new job

3) purge our living quarters of unnecessary crap

4) have a yard sale

5) complete the documents necessary to amending our marriage license, so that I can finally change my name (hopefully)

6) get organized - this means everything: my computer, our apartment, my work computer, and everything else in between (everything has been entirely too chaotic for entirely too long)

7) edit all leftover photos

8) take lots of pictures

9) write a lot

10) research and read for my thesis

11) sign up for a consultation for Lasik

12) relax and have fun

So, that's my summertime manifesto in list form. What do you want to accomplish/do this summer? I'm interested hearing about what's on other people's lists.

What happened to May?

It seems like May was eaten by Mandy's wedding, many challenges, and lots of homework/school-related stress. I'm happy to report that I did complete project red, but I did have to cheat some due to time constraints. Oh well, at least I finished. Here's the finished product:



Too bad there was an odd number of days this month.

June brings with it the end of the school year, my birthday, a trip to see my family (hopefully), a photo shoot for our anniversary with our wedding photographer, a yard sale (hopefully), some rest and relaxation, and a potentially good outcome for my thesis proposal.

I have some catching up to do on this here blog. I still hope to talk about Mandy's wedding and my teaching experience, as well as some other things going on in my life. Well, we'll see how timely I'll be with these things, as I still have quite a bit to do for school in the next couple of weeks.